I’ve just been in a CABS queue.

The limit on cash withdrawals is Z$1 billion a day. When the call-out fee for a plumber is Z$1.6 billion I feel like singing that line in Oliver Twist – Please Sir, I want some more. Fat chance. But waiting in queues can be both profoundly sad, as well as amusing.

The other day this really old man was sitting waiting his turn to withdraw some cash. When his turn finally came he shuffled forward and I noticed that the bottom of his trousers had been burnt. I wondered whether he’d come in to town escaping the violence in the rural areas. When he had to enter his pin number, ironically he turned round and asked for assistance from a policeman in the queue. Most men and women in uniform in Zimbabwe are regarded with suspicion.

Then today, in another cash queue which dribbled out the CABS door, I noticed a woman who had come prepared for the wait with some reading material. The title of the book was Fart Proudly which I thought rather amusing because we generally all Fart Quietly. Except for one particular friend of mine who lets off with such gusto that I’m left in shock. Luckily I don’t see her very often. But the title of the book intrigued me so I Googled and came up with this editorial comment  courtesy of Amazon

A mention of flatulence might conjure up images of bratty high school boys or lowbrow comics. But one of the most eloquent—and least expected—commentators on the subject is Benjamin Franklin. The writings in Fart Proudly reveal the rogue who lived peaceably within the philosopher and statesman. Included are “The Letter to a Royal Academy”; “On Choosing a Mistress”; “Rules on Making Oneself Disagreeable”; and other jibes. Franklin’s irrepressible wit found an outlet in perpetrating hoaxes, attacking marriage and other sacred cows, and skewering the English Parliament. Reminding us of the humorous, irreverent side of this American icon, these essays endure as both hilarious satire and a timely reminder of the importance of a free press.

So if independent monitors and Mugabe’s allies agree that neither candidate got over 50% then announce the results already!

On the up-side we have Tsvangirai and Mutambara joining forces; Zimbabwe’s version of the dream ticket? We have had numerous SMS’ and emails requesting that the opposition unite to shunt bobby sideways. Tendai was the most passionate

Please I really needed the two MDCs to go into the elections united as we were fighting one common enemy which is the devil called ZANU PF. I was then surprised to see the two MDCs going into the election divided. We could have completely removed the devil from the picture by now had the two MDCs gone into the elections united. From my own analysis the MDC could have won 10 more house of parliament seats and at least 5 more senate seats had they gone united. My question is why are you failing it? Why are you not a united front by now? Why are you yet to combine forces to fight ZANU in the parliament and senate. If we are to add all the seats that the two MDCs won we come up with 109 seats which actually becomes outright majority. If the two MDCs continue to go into the parliament divided the ZANU will continue taking advantage of the divisions to continuously oppress the ordinary Zimbabweans. further to that it will continue to show the disorganisation of the two parties as opposition parties.

On the streets, Zimbabweans are taking their fury and their frustration out on Mugabe’s presidential posters. Various forms of of mutilation are taking place from gouged out eyes, a gap where that tichy mustache usually bristles, at times the fist has gotten the chop and then there are the beheadings. If I were Mugabe I’d be afraid of the real thing.

From the Lowveld we received this message which indicates that some Zimbabweans are retaliating, saying enough is enough

More threats
Local ZANU councilors are forcing people on nearby farms to go to meetings where they are accused of being MDC voters and then told that they are going to be beaten and killed at night.

Tensions rising
Last night at about 9.30pm I heard a lot of shouting coming from Tshovani township near Chiredzi, the next morning I asked several people what it was about and they all said that the residents were shouting for Mugabe to go. I have also been informed that the MDC youth are forming units to protect them and retaliate against militia if they start beating people in the Lowveld area. A similar action has taken place in the Zaka constituencies and I believe in Masvingo also. There is a lot of despondency here and also a lot of anger, people want to fight now.

Break in for what?
At 2.15am a person broke into my house, ignored the food in my pantry and the TV and sound systems in my lounge, he started to open my passage door leading to my bedroom. Fortunately I have been putting a cow bell on the door handle since 2000 and it fell off and made enough noise for me to get into action. I grabbed my 20 shot 9mm and rushed out and managed to fire two shots close to his feet as he was running away. It’s possible that this person or persons meant me harm; anyway I am sure that I have distracted them a little.

Bare shelves
All the supermarkets and wholesalers shelves are empty but for a few packets of chips and rotting vegetables! Maize meal, sugar, milk and soap are non existent.

Responding to Zimbabwe’s ongoing election crisis, in an editorial in the state newspaper The Herald last Wednesday, Obediah Mukura Mazombwe said “the most viable and safest way forward is for SADC to mediate negotiations for a transitional government of national unity . . . led by the incumbent president.”

Of course, in an editorial the next day, The Herald then featured Mabasa Sasa (say that ten times fast) making the opposite argument. So who knows what they really think.

SADC, or at least some of it, might think that a unity government is the way forward for Zimbabwe.

But the whole idea of a government of national unity is an emotive one for Zimbabweans, as well it should be – particularly for those who recall the swallowing of PF ZAPU by ZANU PF in the 1980′s.

We sent this text message to our subscribers to seek their opinion:

Kubatana! Government of national unity: Solution or sell out? What do you think? Reply with your thoughts via SMS or email info [at] kubatana [dot] org [dot] zw

We’ve received a flood of replies, particularly via SMS, with voices against a government of national unity out numbering those in favour of it by about 10:1. Here are just a few of the comments we’ve received:

Face the facts. Use the facts with logic to benefit the public at large. Stop partisan interests. Zimbabwe is at cross roads right as I write.

War veterans exist. ZANU PF is the vehicle party through which Zimbabwe got independence and Mugabe is its leader. ZANU won votes in the current House of Assembly and Senatorial elections. Mugabe lost the presidential vote and that is being recounted now, never mind the objective.
MDC exists. It has membership of people from all walks of life including War veterans, war collaborators, CIO, soldiers, industrialists, Karanga, Zezuru, Manyika, Ndebele, Korekore, Tonga,etc. MDC won seats in the House of Assembly and Senatorial elections. MDC won the presidential election, never mind the margin which is being tempered around with as I write!

Both parties got assistance from the West at one point or another during their life cycle. Zimbabwe needs food, jobs, production, infrastructure, pride, sovereignty, democracy, etc.

Therefore we need resources from different sources. What matters is the nature of contract the resources come with. Zimbabwe needs minds that think, level-headed people who use logic, rationale to arrive at answers to the problems that face the nation right now. Zimbabwe needs to be a true democracy to be able to achieve the task ahead of it. A democracy entails accepting divergence of views and harnessing the richness of diversity to craft policies and laws that the nation. We need peace. Peace entails a leadership that compromises trivialities and focus on fundamentals. Peace can easily be achieved when different interest groups have been given space, and assured that their interests are addressed.

Therefore a government of national unity is a must! A one party government will surely face resistance from the other party and the country will be ungovernable. Zimbabwe does not need another dictatorship but a democracy by its total definition and characteristics.

Sorry you touched me on a raw nerve!

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They must not be duped into the idea of government of national unity. They are not birds of the same feathers.

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Definitely No No No. No to any government of national unity. It will be a betrayal to the peace loving people of Zimbabwe. Compromise and appeasement are the seeds for a mutation of more corruption oppression and injustice. We have come this far down the road to overthrow this evil regime we must go all the way, and see a collapse of this evil system of bondage and destruction, Not only for Zimbabwe but the whole of SADC.

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A government of national unity is a sell out, mugabe and his puppets have no space in the new Zimbabwe.

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We must send the message LOUD and CLEAR to zanu (and to the MDC Leadership) “NO Government of National Unity, NO Terms and Conditions……….. We WANT a RE-RUN – under any circumstances, under any conditions – we will HUMILIATE them!!” Bring it on!

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No to a government of national unity. Please they should not disobey our vote. We don’t want sell-outs.

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GNU defies whole purpose of an election. If they wanted unity gvt shld have said b4. This undermines democratic elections. Let the winner lead&we knw who won

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How can you make unity with a loser? Why would you go for a penalty shoot out when your team won 2-0. MDC has won the match and by now they must be in office doing the job. BIG NO to govt of national unity.

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A gvt of national unity with who? Let MDC takeover. ZANU PF has failed completely. The people have spoken. We do not want thugs murders and thieves to govern us.

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What ! Government of national unity with a loser Never ever Mugabe is a thief & his cronies should go to HAGUE& face the wrath of their sins.

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Gvt of national unity a non starter. What happened to zapu? We never voted for a unity gvt.

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Gvt of national ok. With MT as president. Without mugabe.

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Depends who is in it and who dominates. Mdc must dominate. Bob must be out as well as all former ministers. Simba can represent reform zanu

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They will absorb MDC and neutralise any opposition. There will be no change for ordinary folk.

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Sell out. But best option at this time!

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No. MDC won so it should form its own govt. People’s vote to stand as it is. Zanu has stolen 3 previous elections referendum & 2 elections. Stolen country’s riches. We didn’t fight liberation war for a couple of people.

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Thats the way to go. Pollarisation wil not stop

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A government of national unity will be utter betrayal on the people of Zimbabwe. The mere thought of it is betrayal. It would be better to remain an opposition

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Thats the one we need to enhance experience to new leadership.

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Unity with thieves who are not ready to reform is a betrayal of the ppl’s will. The ppl have spoken. Great betrayal!

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No to a union with murderers.

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What unity? When someone loses an election he should GO! Thats why we voted. Why unite with thieves?

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Sell out. ZANU PF had its go, looted è economy bringing Zim 2 a near standstill & è quagmire we’re in now. è whole useless bunch ö thugs n crooks shld move out n allow Zim’s restoration 2 prosperity.

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No ways! As long as bob is around recipe for disaster! No progress at all.

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Solution if MDC is the ruling party. Any plans 4 that?

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It is ok to have a government of National Unity, but only if Mugabe is not the head. We do not want the set-up like the one in Kenya whereby the man who lost in the elections is still the one heading the country. We know who we voted for,and Morgan is the one.

I’ve just watched this clip of an Al Jazeera broadcast on the ongoing post-election violence in Zimbabwe.

The video starkly contrasts the chard remnants of rural huts, and battered villagers recovering in hospital, with Zimbabwe’s (past his sell by date) Minister of Justice Patrick Chinamasa saying “we refute completely that people are dying of politically motivated violence.”

The government denies organising any sort of retributive campaign, and the police are investigating 75 cases of politically motivated violence – all of which they say were perpetrated by the MDC.

Never mind the fact of Tapiwa Mubwanda, and the at least nine others who have died in the weeks since Zimbabwe’s 29 March election.

Coming in to work this morning I walked past a queue outside a bank. Money like everything else is in short supply. What shocked and amused me – that’s Zimbabwe for you – is that standing in line waiting his turn with the other customers was a tall policeman in fatigues with an AK47 slung over his shoulder!

Bizarre or what?

Slowly, the public discourse is being laced with radical tones and themes; they talk rebellion; they talk about someone being taught a lesson; they talk about an impoverished uniformed man in the neighbourhood; in a commuter omnibus they take to task a lone uniformed female; why are thing this bad, tell us; why are your colleagues this corrupt; when is HE going; show us your payslip; we know you are not going to pay any fare; a billion dollars from Harare to Bulawayo; 100 million for quart of beer; do you drink?; this is as daring as it gets; no response from the hapless uniformed one; other passengers laugh; the uniformed one fails to see the joke and stares blankly ahead: “if only the earth could swallow me, damn these daredevils;” it is the politics of the stomach; the devil is dared; noone cares about “suffering the consequences;” signs of worse things to come? sticks and stones, do they still break bones; they sure do not break the spirit; batons and barrels, do they triumph over people power; pens and swords . . . ah well; sit up and listen.