When the year began, two women suffered miscarriages after they were beaten up by police in the border town of Beitbridge.

They were suspected of being prostitutes, apprehended and then they were assaulted to the extent of losing the pregnancies they were carrying.

Perhaps they were prostitutes, perhaps they were not but one thing is certain – when we live in a society that insists on pushing some of its members to the margins by discriminating and stigmatizing them – it is inevitable that we increase the vulnerability of such individuals.

Their exclusion and ostracism serves no purpose other than making them easy prey for those in position of power and who would not hesitate to abuse that power.

Yet for the greater part, there is a tacit approval of these violent acts because they affirm the prejudices of our society, they are premised on the moral judgments people make about women who prostitute themselves either through overt means by selling their bodies in return for money or those who covertly prostitute themselves by acquiescing to be the mistresses of married men for economic gain.

Addressing at a two-day regional conference hosted by SAfAIDS on a series “changing the river’s flow examining the HIV/Culture confluence”, Jason Wessenaar the Project Director of Siyazi Counselling and Testing Project made the very astute observation that while culture helps us to make sense of the world around us by giving people a sense of identity and belonging, it also governs human behaviour.

So our intolerances, our prejudices and our bigotry are a reflection of our cultural beliefs and our interpretation of what is appropriate and what is unacceptable conduct.

Remarking on the limitations of culture, he pointed out that, “culture is a tool that can be used to empower or exclude, exploit and control” members of a society.

What we cannot tolerate reflects what our deep-rooted convictions and beliefs are, yet using Wessener’s observation that culture is a lens we use to view the world, as a premise, how do we then know that what we perceive as reality is in fact so and not just a consequence of the lens we are using to view it?

We push women to the margins, increase their vulnerability, ostracize them and give them an “otherness” such that they have no choice but to engage in more risky behaviour – pushed to the limits, their desperation will drive them to the extremes.

Whilst we bemoan the prevalence of small houses, of women engaging in long term relationships with married men, of men having multiple concurrent sexual relations – we need to find out why and how women avail themselves to these relationships.

One lady remarked in response to my column, “No girl grows up dreaming of one day becoming a small house, not one. But I know there are many boys who grow up dreaming of one day having a small house.” So when one would seek to interrogate what happened to that girl, who never dreamed of becoming a small house? How did she get here? What are the circumstances and situations that led her down this path?

The thing with culture is that it makes us not think about our behaviour or attitudes, it makes us not examine our beliefs, we take them for granted, we take for granted that what we think, assume of life and our perceptions of reality is accurate, altruistic and infallible.

“Culture is a lens we use to understand other people we interact with, and this often leads to us judging, imposing, discriminating and labeling,” noted Wessener.

I submit that the girl who never to be a small house, an appendage like the rose on a man’s laurel – grew up and found that she couldn’t clothe her own back, couldn’t fill her stomach, couldn’t afford a roof on her head and had no prospects whatsoever.

So she decided to pawn herself off to any man who so much as asked, married or not – where did society fail her or did she fail herself?

Did all these small houses and prostitutes fail themselves?

I think not.

I think women who are empowered make choices that are not harmful to them or that impinge on their sense of dignity.

I identify lack, as the key reason why small houses exist, why prostituting oneself becomes an option for most women. Something other than payment of lip service needs to be done to empower women, to elevate their status and to work towards addressing the gender imbalances inherent in our culture.

Whatever else society may label these women – the truth is that we as a society are all diminished by their continued humiliation or coercion along sexual lines.

As we continue to push them to the margins, we increase their vulnerability, we increase their desperation and ultimately we push them to the limits and possible over the edge.

I am sure at some point, just like me, you have been wondering if there is a women’s movement in Zimbabwe. Don’t you worry. I went to this discussion and there was a lot said about the women’s movement. Yes it does exist and it is fully functional. There is going to be a DVD that shows how the women’s movement began before independence and how it continued after independence and the issues it looked at. For example, after independence women fought against Operation Chinyavada. In 1983 women were not meant to be out doors after a certain time or they would be arrested and picked up as prostitutes. If they did not have their IDs they were just arrested. So women came together and said they wanted equal freedom to roam just as men. After that about 25 women organizations were formed addressing issues on gender, gender violence and many other issues pertinent to women. At first there was confusion between children’s issues and woman’s issues, women were placed together with children and were viewed as minors. Again women came together and said “No” we are not children. The women’s movement usually arises in response to serious dissatisfaction on the current course of public policies. If women are not happy about a certain issue they can come together and rally for that particular issue. They could be five women or more on the streets rallying and they constitute a women’s movement. In most cases if these women’s movements challenge and address issues in the government, then the movement is likely to face resistance, as it challenges the status quo. So if you have question on whether the women’s movement is effective, or what the future of the women’s movement in Zimbabwe is, you must look out for the video that is currently in the making. Hopefully all these questions will be answered and more women will be encouraged to take part in the movement and get their views heard.

Chinua Achebe has been heralded as the father of modern African literature. He is best known for his book, Things Fall Apart. In his book, The Education Of A British Protected Child, published in December 2009, Achebe offers some interesting and often hilarious insights into the complexities of of culture and colonialism. In this excerpt from the book, Achebe writes about the difficulties of finding children’s books that are not offensive or condescending towards Africans for his oldest daughter.

I was at an entrepreneurship course and I learnt something that I think can be applied in all aspects of life, be it in business, your everyday relations or the way you want to go about in life. It is so bad to let life just float away without putting value in it. My sister always says put value in it. For example when you sing – how much is each note worth? If you are going to speak to people how much are they going to draw from you? Today I want to add value to you by giving you a few pointers that I got from my two-day workshop.

If you want to be a good negotiator you must know how to say No. Yes you can say No for a lot of positive reasons. Saying No as a negotiator opens a door for more negotiations, it helps you to know more about your counterpart and it helps you to modify your position accordingly. So Yes I am going to show you ways how you can say No positively!

You can say

1.    Not here
2.    Not you
3.    Not me
4.    Not now
5.    Not that much
6.    Not that little
7.    Not again
8.    Not that
9.    Not ever

These positive No’s’ give you time in any place that you are in to take time and weigh your options. You can quickly say yes and find out that you have devalued yourself or perhaps you have over valued yourself. When that happens you either lose out on a potentially good business deal or you might be viewed as that person always saying yes and wanting to be everybody’s friend.

Its okay to say No just say it in a more tactful way and you will be amazed how many positive days you will have.

Children deserve their rights of expression, association, education and care among others. However countries differ in how they balance a child’s rights and the parents’ and caregivers’ rights to discipline in the name of protecting and nurturing.

Parents and caregivers, including teachers, who constitute elders in society, have some degree of control over children. However for the control to be enforceable there is supposed to be a degree of conventional allegiance on the part of children. In Shona culture any elder has the right to control and discipline a child based on the saying: “Mwana ndewe munhu wese” – meaning a child belongs to everyone. At the same time children are obliged to respect and obey elders in society. This is meant to ensure that children are put under control irrespective of the presence or absence of their parents.

This form of communal responsibility over children has a basic assumption that “every elder is equally responsible and caring for all young children”. It is not surprising therefore that in some communities, if an elder disciplines a child, the parent is not quick to get angry unless there is evidence that the child has not done anything wrong or unless the punishment is excessively abusive. This trend has changed in modern societies, with parents claiming responsibility of their own children and claiming all rights. Governments are also gradually reducing even the parents’ rights. For instance, beating children by parents or caregivers is illegal in many countries.

This does not come without a reason; there is general understanding that the “Mwana ndewe munhu wese” adage does not hold water anymore. There are abusive elements in contemporary society, robbers, rapists and kidnappers among others. Obviously one cannot cede rights to discipline a child to everyone in such communities.  Some parents have also joined the abusive element by raping, killing and harassing their own children.

Does this however justify the stance that teachers and parents should not discipline children? Children are being increasingly protected against abuse, however children happen to abuse the rights, in a manner that apparently threatens their safety and future, yet parents, teachers and other caregivers are continuously having little or no powers to foster discipline.

We are looking forward to the government, youth organisations, and parents to properly define how far we should take the right to discipline, balancing children’s rights as well as fostering the authority of parents and caregivers in a bid to ensure the necessary allegiance in environments like schools and other communities.

We have just received this comment from SFM broadcaster Soneni Gwizi. She hopes that her speaking out will also encourage other communicators to keep to values of telling and writing the truth. Speak out!

I am a news maker not a gossiper
I am a story teller not an entertainer
I am an activist not a trouble maker
I am a communicator, i write what i have heard, seen and what is to come.
I am a broadcaster not a commentor
I speak factual realistic issues not biased,
I am a friend not an enemy