I attended a National Youth Development Trust (NYDT) organized Youth Peace Convention on the 29th and 30th of September at the Zimbabwe Academy of Music, Bulawayo at which the only visible minister of the very toothless and useless organ on ‘National Healing’ spoke. But that’s not what I want to talk about.

On the second day we had representatives from ZAPU, MDC, MDC Tsvangirai and ZANU PF. The ZAPU and MDC guys were eloquent, but I have forgotten what they talked about; which means it was useless. The MDC Tsvangirai guy made a total fool of himself: He kept saying ‘the smaller MDC’ and referred to ZANU PF as the opposition party; implying that his party was the ruling party. Really? We must be the only country in the world where the ‘ruling party’ does not actually rule. I sat there getting very confused; if MDC Tsvangirai is the ruling party, why don’t they control the army and the police and everything else actually. He rudely dismissed the MDC and ZAPU and said their agenda as a party was ZANU PF, not the insignificant small parties. And I thought their agenda like all of us was Zimbabwe!

When it was the turn of the ZANU PF guy, Fundisani Dewa (youth secretary for economic affairs) to speak, he spoke eloquently about how he had spend the last two weeks in a ZANU PF prison. I happen to have remembered this guy’s name because I have known him for years and I didn’t know he was ZANU PF: But I should have suspected that his success was not hard-earned. I guess by mentioning that he was in prison, he was angling for our sympathy. He conveniently forgot that his arrest was totally different to the arrest we always cry about. Him and other youths have been taking over buildings in Bulawayo and that’s surely illegal and he deserved to be arrested. I guess he is bitter because ZANU PF does not arrest its own over something as ‘commendable’ as taking over white men’s property: Fundisani and others must be victims of the infighting that has rocked ZANU PF of late.

The question that we were left asking was that if ZANU PF can do that to its own, what’s in store for those who belong to the opposition parties. When the question of Gukurahundi was raised, he said we should let bygones be bygones. He hastened to add that he had been born in Khami prison during Gukurahundi and that he didn’t know his father. I guess his reasoning for being part of ZANU PF is that it can make him rich. Does it make sense? I am a victim of Gukurahundi myself and what I would want is Affirmative Action; we need to catch up to our Shona brothers who have had an undisturbed path to success. Fundisani is taking his Affirmative Action now and who are we to judge him.

I left the convention wondering if the people knew what their parties were all about and felt it was of urgent necessity to organize meetings between parties and the people. Not rallies, but meetings were people can engage their ‘leaders’ and bring them to account.

It has now become the norm of the day that if you want a service or a product and you don’t know exactly where to get it from, someone quickly chips in and tell you that he/she can help you – for a fee of course. The fee can be high especially if the service or product you are looking for is scarce. One can earn a living in Zimbabwe by charging people just to show them where to get a service or a product fast without enduring long queues. I came across some of these people at Beitbridge border post recently when I wanted to clear some stuff.  I met these well dressed young men whom you can mistakenly think are the real Zimbabwe Revenue Authority (ZIMRA) officers because of the way they entice you with the knowledge they have of clearing goods at the border post.

These people have so many names. The most popular ones are “clearing agent”, “runner” “go-between” or “middlemen”. So many names for this unofficialised profession hey! From my own under understanding the service, which was being sold, was to speed up the paper work involved in clearing goods. After telling me about their jobs, and in order to convince me, I was even taken to the help desk where to my surprise the officer commanding the desk actually recognised the guys. After rejecting the offer for the service I was told to be prepared for long waits, delays and high import duty charges, which made me wonder how possible was it for me to get low import duty charges from ordinary guys like these.  The fact that these people operate in the vicinity of the ZIMRA officials’ makes one wonder whether the services being offered by these unscrupulous people is now official.

Last week in the Mail & Guardian a South Africa paper, I read a story on wedding contributions titled, “I’m getting married, please send money” which has become a culture in Tanzania. In a nutshell this means that when one is getting married they send out an invitation asking for contributions from friends, relatives and colleagues. Erick Mchome, who wrote the article from Dar es Salaam, quoted this text from a card:

“The family of so-and-so is happy to inform you that their beloved son/daughter is getting married in October. We have a pleasure to ask you for your participation by contributing some money and moral support. Please give the money to the one who gave you this card or contact the phone numbers below.”

I found this shocking, but I then recalled it’s their culture. In my mind I quickly brushed it off and said not in Zimbabwe! I just found it outrageous to be asking everyone for ‘financial’ support for a wedding. Just when I thought it wouldn’t happen in my country, I got the shock of my life! A guy walked past our office and gave me a paper saying please contribute towards this … I hesitantly took the paper thinking its one of those church building, school function donation forms, only to read PLEASE CONTRIBUTE TOWARDS OUR WEDDING! I just gazed at the paper horrified.

I am now sitting in the office, and saying to myself that Tanzanians do the contribution stuff better than the Zimbabwean I met, who literally asks for something from anyone! Having a big, colourful wedding is everyone’s dream, but if you cant afford one, should you then go around ‘begging’ for a wedding contribution? My Pastor at church, who is a marriage officer, always tells us that money should not stop people from getting married legally. He actually says that those who can’t afford to have the big ‘white wedding’ can bring in their witnesses, and parents to his office, get married and celebrate eating home baked scones! My sister had a court wedding. They went to court with their witnesses and a few relatives, came home and we celebrated and blessed them! Its almost 15 years later now but we still marvel at the pictures and even though I was still in primary school I can remember her gown. It didn’t cost much but at least it was something that they and the immediate family could afford to have.

My friends and relatives, I am not expecting to receive a card inviting me to contribute towards your wedding! I would rather support you any way I can even if it means me merely hooking you up with the best florist in town…and of course I wont forget to bring that traditional wedding gift for you and your loved one to bless you on your day.

My purse, along with my Zimbabwean National ID card, driver’s license and some money was stolen on a night out a few months ago. Dutifully, I went to my nearest police station to report it. The officer in charge wrote down the details of what had happened in a big book. He then wrote a reference number on a torn slip of paper. When I went to the Central Vehicle Registry to get a replacement driver’s license, the woman at the window rudely told me that my reference number was not sufficient, and they needed an actual form.  When I went back to the police station to request it, I was informed that they didn’t have it, but whichever officer I was talking to could find it, provided I gave him $5 or $10 for his trouble.  I didn’t want to pay a bribe; I’d stop occasionally to find out if the forms had come. Finally I gave up.

The police have stopped me on several occasions, and when they find nothing wrong with my car, they usually ask for my driver’s license. At some roadblocks, they’ve asked for my ID number then called CVR to verify. At others they’ve taken my details and given me a ticket to be paid later. This morning I encountered one where a police officer demanded I make payment immediately.

He was an arrogant, swaggering sort of policeman, anozvinzwa shuga. Having done a cursory inspection of my car, he asked for my license. I gave him a certified copy of my passport and told him what happened at the CVR. He delivered a condescending monologue on police procedure, and what he understood of the law.

‘That’s great’, I replied,’ but in my case that’s not what happened.’

‘Saka todii?’ he asked.

I told him the law said that I had seven days to present my license or pay a fine at nearest police station and that since I had neither a license nor money on my person he should write me a ticket. He replied that I was lying. I lost my temper and shouted at him. He said that if I wanted to leave I would have to pay $20.

The men in my life, my other included, have always accused me of being volatile, particularly when I’m angry. My brothers always say ‘Zvako zve marights ako zvicha kurovesa’ when they have to get me out of trouble.

When I shoved my purse in the officer’s face to shown him it was empty, he said, Imi amai, regai kuita naro. Kana tichida tino gona kuimpounda mota yenyu. Asi murikuda kusungwa?’ (Look lady stop arguing. We can impound your vehicle if we want to. Are you trying to get arrested?)

I got even angrier and told him that I pay taxes and therefore do not pay bribes, and of course shouted some more:

‘You’re a police officer; your job is to help the public!’

‘Handina basa naizvozvo amai, fonerai munhu auye nemari.’ (I don’t care about any of that; call someone to bring the money for you).

Thankfully, he walked away, and I had enough presence of mind not get out of my car and really lay into him.

Finding that I was not going to pay, and had made myself somewhat comfortable at the roadblock, the police eventually let me go. I think most times people do pay the bribe because they are in a hurry to get where they are going. Not everyone is angry enough to sit in simmering protest at a roadblock. But imagine if we did, and we stopped letting misinformed police officers break the laws they are supposed to uphold.

A different officer finally came to my car and heard me out. He even helped me get the form I needed to take to the CVR. As I drove away he said, ‘Musaore moyo amai, mapurisa ese haana kufanana.’ (Don’t be bitter, not all police officers are the same.)