“Will someone please find a wife for our PM“, screamed a recent headline in the nation’s leading family weekly newspaper.  I asked myself why the PM’s love life warranted placement on the front page ahead of stories about the appalling state of the public health care system, blatant corruption by state officials at every level, even our untold suffering under illegal sanctions.  However, because the senior writer was clearly desperate to show that it was in the nation’s best interest that the PM settles down to conventional family life, I gave the issue some consideration.

I think the state should sponsor the running of a Zimbabwean version of The Bachelor.  The PM’s situation is of national concern so requires national intervention!  Think about it.  We have all the right ingredients to produce an impressive adaptation of this reality show.

1.    We have a very eligible bachelor in the PM, and like other Bachelors from the show, what he lacks in looks he more than makes up for in his sizeable means.

2.    It is clear that physical appearance is about the only criterion used to select The Bachelor’s potential soul mates.  Our country has innumerable good-looking women so bringing together 25 for our PM to choose from should be pretty easy.  (Have you seen the beauties that are Zanu Pf Harare Province Models?)  Of course, all the ladies must be 100% local and must have high standards of cleanliness.  We are, after all, a nation renowned for valuing all things indigenous and for rejecting filth and squalor.

3.    Spectacular dates set in wonderful places are a distinct feature of the popular TV show and our local version shall not disappoint.  With many exquisite properties across the land now in the hands of the majority, the new owners will happily lease them out for our production.  Thus, with great sites for the dream dates, the PM can then court his bevy of beauties at braais, galas and rallies, hosted in scenic places, countrywide.

4.    The TV series always includes fantasy dates where The Bachelor takes each finalist separately to one of two exotic locations.  I’m sure our friends around the world would only be too glad to facilitate a tour of Pyongyang, a relaxing retreat in Malabo or a shopping trip to sunny Baghdad.

And as the process progresses, the PM will remorsefully distribute red roses (or maybe red cards, computers or farms), eliminating one broken hearted bachelorette after the other.  But in the end, just like in the reality show, The Bachelor will find true and everlasting love and he’ll seal his commitment with a dazzling diamond – a Chiadzwa stone, perhaps.

Then Zimbabwe can get on with addressing its other problems.

I used to be of the opinion that if the father of a woman’s child or children was unwilling to support them financially, then the self-respecting woman should simply provide for them herself.  Why would she have to convince a man to do the responsible thing?  Why would she even subject herself to the rigmarole of the judicial system for a paltry maintenance settlement?  If the fellow didn’t feel obliged in any way to look after his child (children), I believed it best for the  woman to just get on with it herself.  With the needs of children being so immediate, I thought any mother would do better writing-off the useless ‘baby-daddy’ and using their precious time to meet their children’s needs to the best of her ability.

My opinion in this regard has changed significantly.

I know of a woman who has been married for eight years.  The couple have three children.  This woman is better qualified than her husband and as a result, earns more than he does.  However, this was not always the case.  Almost from the day that she received her letter of appointment to a more senior position, her husband just stopped contributing to the home.  Naturally, she began to and continues to take care of the children’s upkeep and household expenses all on her own.  Meanwhile, her fellow’s salary is his and his alone, to spend on himself as he wishes.  This woman has never really confronted her husband about the situation.  She probably feels that as long as she can still manage single-handedly to make things work, why rock the boat?

Hearing of this woman’s situation made something click in me and now I am sick of it! There are far too many males beating their hairy chests (a la gorillas) about being men, all the while taking advantage of one or several women.  It’s despicable that one can claim manhood whilst he doesn’t have a clue what his child eats, wears, how he/she lives.

This is an appeal to every mother; whether CEO of a blue chip or everyday Jane in the street; whether you are married to, separated or divorced from the father of your offspring.  His DNA contributed to bringing your child (or children) to this earth and his duty towards the child’s life did not end on that night (or day).  Children need and do best when they have both mother and father.  So whatever your marital status, ‘baby-daddy’ must play his part and provide physically, emotionally and spiritually to his child’s life.

If the so-called ‘father’ is not living up to his responsibilities, then it becomes the mother’s responsibility to hold the bastard accountable.  Nag him, harass him, drag him to court – do whatever it takes for the sake of your child.  Yes, as women we can and usually do make things happen on our own, without a man.  But we must keep in mind that it’s not only about us and what our pride will or will not allow us to do.  Children also need their father’s love, time, salaries or maintenance payments so that they may not just exist but live fully.

My passport is expiring soon, so I get to look forward to a visit to Makombe Complex in the near future.  Great!  Going there always proves to be an unforgettable experience, don’t you find?  The thought of it arouses the same feelings as one would get when scheduling a dentist’s appointment – except you  can anticipate more pain.

I admit that I could be more positive about the whole idea given that it also holds the promise of remarkable things.  For instance, I’ll be met by hundreds and hundreds of people, all welcoming me to the unbelievable day that lies ahead.   And this well before I’ve even entered the complex.  It’s good to have Zimbabwean people from every corner of the country coming together for one cause.

The R.G.’s office also boasts staff of note.  I’ve often wondered how so many people, with the same disposition, came to be employed and work in the same place.  These folk are really keen to get the job done such that they don’t even have time to smile or to use time-wasting words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.  The staff members are also excellent listeners, waiting for you to recount your entire story before passing you on to another colleague so that you can retell it once again … from the beginning.

Every circus must be kept running by its operational procedures.  Makombe has its share, complete with coded forms to be filled in black ink only and innumerable rules such as, ‘bribing officials is strictly prohibited’.  Part of the process involves an extensive tour of the complex as one is referred from officer to officer, and moved from room 213 to window 24 (logically).  The efficiency of these systems is clear from the backlog figures consistently reported.

Thus, in my new frame of mind, I’m prepared to be overwhelmed by every smell and I submit myself to learn a thorough lesson in patience.  I look forward to sharpening my skills in deciphering ambiguous instructions and navigating difficult situations.  And when it is all over, I’ll take comfort in the knowledge that this visit will not be the last.  The unique experience will be repeated many more times in my life – to rectify errors, to check if the document is ready, should I lose the document, when I get married, when I have a child, when that child needs an ID and passport, and then I’ll have another child …

I watched in bewilderment the other day, when in the foyer of one building, a crazed woman tore the head off  security guard who had asked her to sign-in before she could proceed upstairs.  She unleashed an unbelievable, unwarranted, temper tantrum of great magnitude.  Having gotten her way, the woman sashayed on upstairs, self satisfaction obvious in each step, while the guard was left embarrassed and virtually cowering behind his desk.

I believe that what I witnessed that day was “bullying”.  The woman was deliberately hostile and aggressive and her actions caused pain, distress and humiliation.  A classic bully.  Statistics say that adult bullying occurs more commonly than we think.  Observation of life confirms this fact.  We are all familiar with that person who habitually victimises waiters, other service staff, colleagues at work, family members, “friends” etc.

It is one thing to assert one’s position not to sign-into a building or to insist on a good standard of service or level of work.  It’s completely unacceptable when anyone treats another like their personal punching bag.  That can never be justified and it is never right.  Such behaviour says a lot more about the bully than it does about the dawdling waiter or timid electorate.

Characteristically, bullies lack empathy for others.  They take advantage of individuals perceived as being vulnerable and they aim to gain control over their victims.  Bullies make life miserable for others, particularly those who do not conform to their way of thinking.

However, bullies can and have been known to be beaten.  Experts suggest negotiating with the bully or enlisting the help of a third party in order to prevent further bullying.  This is the more peaceful and preferred route.  Of course, the bully might be beyond reasoning with, the stubborn and arrogant sort.  In this case, former-victims are forced to rise up and fight back.  They may resort to confront the bully so as to regain their lost dignity and once more control their destiny.  And when that day of reckoning comes, the bully will stare in the face of forceful, relentless and unprecedented retaliation.

Hosni and others who have met an unceremonious exit can attest to that.

In an effort to raise awareness for International Human Rights Day (10 December), Elvis Blue, South African Idols 2010 winner joined other celebrities worldwide to support the Barefoot Against Poverty Campaign. Despite his heavy schedule, he leapt at the idea of trading places with someone less fortunate than himself and agreed to experience life as a beggar. In a Press Release issued by Civicus (7 December), Blue understandably described his experience as “the hardest thing” he’d ever done. However, he also found walking in a less fortunate person’s shoes humbling and he believed that he had been made a better person for it.

Today (9/12) is International Anti-Corruption Day and I thought I could mark the day by adopting a concept similar to the Barefoot Campaign. Unlike Blue, I do not delight in the thought of subjecting myself to hardship and so I decided that I’d spend an imaginary day in the fantastic life of a GNU. HON. MP. CDE. & EOS. (Ever Obedient Son).

Not that their jobs are easy. Keeping this country moving forward and away from the detractors’ clutches demands an early start. To ensure that my strength is kept up throughout the day, at 10am I have a large breakfast (which includes a years’ supply of bacon, kindly donated by a friend). My physician (who is so kind as not to charge me for consultations) says is the most important meal of the day. In fact, a look at my form reveals that I consider all my meals important and so they are all justifiably of generous proportions.

I arrive at the office to find a pile of messages and mile-long list of things to do. With over 20 years in office I’ve acquired superior prioritisation skills and immediately get on the phone to touch base with my “father”. As his humble and obedient servant, I owe everything I am to him and I often like to share my good fortunes with him as a token of my gratitude.

The next few hours are spent meeting with or calling my accountant, my bankers, several of my farm managers, numerous business associates to convince them to make some mutually beneficial investments, some friends to thank them for their kind gifts and my realtors who manage all my houses, both big and small.

It’s almost 3pm and I prepare to leave the office to catch a chartered flight (a complimentary gift from a friend) to some remote place where I was scheduled to address some villagers at midday. On my way out, I promptly sign a scathing letter to stingy Kimberly, admonishing her for her cumbersomely correct process. Unlike my friends, she is definitely neither kind nor generous.

It is too late to return to the capital and so I check into a luxury hotel room that has efficient room service and a well-stocked mini-bar (for which I’m not being charged thanks to a good friend). I reflect on the day and am quite satisfied. I’ve accomplished a lot, managing to visit all my enterprises in the area. They are all flourishing due to the overwhelming support from my numerous friends. I was also able to make new friends who are eager to make a contribution to the cause. My address to the villagers went on well and they know what they must do to receive reward. As I fall asleep, I am quite convinced that indeed, I am a heavyweight in this game.

The Foreign Policy Magazine recently published its list of Top 100 Global Thinkers.  It is a smorgasbord of individuals and their respective ideas that recommend them as world-renowned thinkers.  The list makes for a fascinating read that can both challenge and inspire one’s reality.

It includes a number of people whom one would expect to find.  For instance, at joint first place are Bill Gates, former Microsoft chief and now Co-chair of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, and Warren Buffet, Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway.  US President Barack Obama comes in at third position for his ability to chart a course through overwhelming criticism.  Then there are Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton (13th); as well as the CEO’s of Amazon and Apple, Jeff Bezos and Steve Jobs who share seventeenth place.

Women make up for approximately 20% of the list.  Angela Merkel, German Chancellor appears as somewhat of an obvious choice at number ten and Aung San Suu Kyi, activist for democracy in Burma earned herself seventy-fifth position.  She was rightfully lauded for being levelheaded on her release, not raging against her captors but calling for reforms and never giving up on democracy.

A woman I was glad to see appearing on the list is Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.  Being Africa’s first elected female head of state and 85th on The FP list, Liberia’s president has lived up to the promises she made in 2006 when she came into power.  The country is steadily rebuilding itself after decades of bloody civil war and boasts one of Africa’s fastest-growing economies.  All this, is a testament to Sirleaf’s determination to create an empowered people who can hold those in power accountable without fear.

Unity Dow, a judge from Botswana is another African woman who appears on the top thinkers rankings.  Although she is a lesser-known individual, her accomplishments are inspiring and deserving of recognition.  She has led a legal and moral crusade for the equality of women, African democracy and the cause of HIV/AIDS.  In February, she was sworn in as one of three international judges in a Kenyan Court.  Dow’s accomplishments demonstrate that the law is only as just as those who practice it.

Of the men on the list, number forty-one, Mehdi Karroubi, Iranian cleric and activist for the Green Movement, is the most interesting to me.  He has been subjected to investigations on charges of sedition, a crime that carries the death penalty in his country; assault; and plainclothes militia attacked his home.  Karroubi was also the first Green Movement leader to blast the regime for mistreating imprisoned opponents, and he continues to criticise the government’s mismanagement of the economy.  Karroubi’s courage in the face of real danger is something close to home and truly remarkable.

Mario Vargas Llosa has similar, credible attributes.  As an author in Peru, he has advocated against tyranny and his distaste for dictators has set him decisively against Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, with whom he has an ongoing feud.  Llosa’s bravery in depicting the realities of tyranny so as to end it, earned him number sixty-four on the FP List.

Besides having an interesting job title of Sanitation expert, Indian Kamal Kar dedication to his work justifies why he was selected for inclusion on the list.  He seeks to improve sanitation, viewing this as a way to overcome waterborne diseases and, less obviously, a poverty-reduction method.  Kar has been so successful in his endeavours that after Bangladesh adopted his ideas; latrine coverage grew dramatically from 33 percent in 2003 to more than 70% currently.  Kar’s achievements show that any cause pursued with passion can be achieved.

Other great thinkers that drew my attention were George Soros (number 15), a philanthropist from New York whose work and life reinforce the idea that “it’s not what you make that counts — it’s who you give it to.”  And at position 52, Sudanese-born mobile phone mogul, Mo Ibrahim, has issued leadership prizes and has a continent-wide governance index to his name.  His efforts are in the hope that Africa and its leaders can be held to high standards of good governance.

I trust that in reading through the snippets of these great thinkers, our minds can be opened so that we see what can be achieved when we are willing and able to think for ourselves.