“Will someone please find a wife for our PM“, screamed a recent headline in the nation’s leading family weekly newspaper.  I asked myself why the PM’s love life warranted placement on the front page ahead of stories about the appalling state of the public health care system, blatant corruption by state officials at every level, even our untold suffering under illegal sanctions.  However, because the senior writer was clearly desperate to show that it was in the nation’s best interest that the PM settles down to conventional family life, I gave the issue some consideration.

I think the state should sponsor the running of a Zimbabwean version of The Bachelor.  The PM’s situation is of national concern so requires national intervention!  Think about it.  We have all the right ingredients to produce an impressive adaptation of this reality show.

1.    We have a very eligible bachelor in the PM, and like other Bachelors from the show, what he lacks in looks he more than makes up for in his sizeable means.

2.    It is clear that physical appearance is about the only criterion used to select The Bachelor’s potential soul mates.  Our country has innumerable good-looking women so bringing together 25 for our PM to choose from should be pretty easy.  (Have you seen the beauties that are Zanu Pf Harare Province Models?)  Of course, all the ladies must be 100% local and must have high standards of cleanliness.  We are, after all, a nation renowned for valuing all things indigenous and for rejecting filth and squalor.

3.    Spectacular dates set in wonderful places are a distinct feature of the popular TV show and our local version shall not disappoint.  With many exquisite properties across the land now in the hands of the majority, the new owners will happily lease them out for our production.  Thus, with great sites for the dream dates, the PM can then court his bevy of beauties at braais, galas and rallies, hosted in scenic places, countrywide.

4.    The TV series always includes fantasy dates where The Bachelor takes each finalist separately to one of two exotic locations.  I’m sure our friends around the world would only be too glad to facilitate a tour of Pyongyang, a relaxing retreat in Malabo or a shopping trip to sunny Baghdad.

And as the process progresses, the PM will remorsefully distribute red roses (or maybe red cards, computers or farms), eliminating one broken hearted bachelorette after the other.  But in the end, just like in the reality show, The Bachelor will find true and everlasting love and he’ll seal his commitment with a dazzling diamond – a Chiadzwa stone, perhaps.

Then Zimbabwe can get on with addressing its other problems.

This entry was posted on March 21st, 2011 at 11:14 am by Thandi Mpofu and is filed under Media, Reflections, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.