I’ve just been in a CABS queue.

The limit on cash withdrawals is Z$1 billion a day. When the call-out fee for a plumber is Z$1.6 billion I feel like singing that line in Oliver Twist – Please Sir, I want some more. Fat chance. But waiting in queues can be both profoundly sad, as well as amusing.

The other day this really old man was sitting waiting his turn to withdraw some cash. When his turn finally came he shuffled forward and I noticed that the bottom of his trousers had been burnt. I wondered whether he’d come in to town escaping the violence in the rural areas. When he had to enter his pin number, ironically he turned round and asked for assistance from a policeman in the queue. Most men and women in uniform in Zimbabwe are regarded with suspicion.

Then today, in another cash queue which dribbled out the CABS door, I noticed a woman who had come prepared for the wait with some reading material. The title of the book was Fart Proudly which I thought rather amusing because we generally all Fart Quietly. Except for one particular friend of mine who lets off with such gusto that I’m left in shock. Luckily I don’t see her very often. But the title of the book intrigued me so I Googled and came up with this editorial comment  courtesy of Amazon

A mention of flatulence might conjure up images of bratty high school boys or lowbrow comics. But one of the most eloquent—and least expected—commentators on the subject is Benjamin Franklin. The writings in Fart Proudly reveal the rogue who lived peaceably within the philosopher and statesman. Included are “The Letter to a Royal Academy”; “On Choosing a Mistress”; “Rules on Making Oneself Disagreeable”; and other jibes. Franklin’s irrepressible wit found an outlet in perpetrating hoaxes, attacking marriage and other sacred cows, and skewering the English Parliament. Reminding us of the humorous, irreverent side of this American icon, these essays endure as both hilarious satire and a timely reminder of the importance of a free press.

So if independent monitors and Mugabe’s allies agree that neither candidate got over 50% then announce the results already!

On the up-side we have Tsvangirai and Mutambara joining forces; Zimbabwe’s version of the dream ticket? We have had numerous SMS’ and emails requesting that the opposition unite to shunt bobby sideways. Tendai was the most passionate

Please I really needed the two MDCs to go into the elections united as we were fighting one common enemy which is the devil called ZANU PF. I was then surprised to see the two MDCs going into the election divided. We could have completely removed the devil from the picture by now had the two MDCs gone into the elections united. From my own analysis the MDC could have won 10 more house of parliament seats and at least 5 more senate seats had they gone united. My question is why are you failing it? Why are you not a united front by now? Why are you yet to combine forces to fight ZANU in the parliament and senate. If we are to add all the seats that the two MDCs won we come up with 109 seats which actually becomes outright majority. If the two MDCs continue to go into the parliament divided the ZANU will continue taking advantage of the divisions to continuously oppress the ordinary Zimbabweans. further to that it will continue to show the disorganisation of the two parties as opposition parties.

On the streets, Zimbabweans are taking their fury and their frustration out on Mugabe’s presidential posters. Various forms of of mutilation are taking place from gouged out eyes, a gap where that tichy mustache usually bristles, at times the fist has gotten the chop and then there are the beheadings. If I were Mugabe I’d be afraid of the real thing.

From the Lowveld we received this message which indicates that some Zimbabweans are retaliating, saying enough is enough

More threats
Local ZANU councilors are forcing people on nearby farms to go to meetings where they are accused of being MDC voters and then told that they are going to be beaten and killed at night.

Tensions rising
Last night at about 9.30pm I heard a lot of shouting coming from Tshovani township near Chiredzi, the next morning I asked several people what it was about and they all said that the residents were shouting for Mugabe to go. I have also been informed that the MDC youth are forming units to protect them and retaliate against militia if they start beating people in the Lowveld area. A similar action has taken place in the Zaka constituencies and I believe in Masvingo also. There is a lot of despondency here and also a lot of anger, people want to fight now.

Break in for what?
At 2.15am a person broke into my house, ignored the food in my pantry and the TV and sound systems in my lounge, he started to open my passage door leading to my bedroom. Fortunately I have been putting a cow bell on the door handle since 2000 and it fell off and made enough noise for me to get into action. I grabbed my 20 shot 9mm and rushed out and managed to fire two shots close to his feet as he was running away. It’s possible that this person or persons meant me harm; anyway I am sure that I have distracted them a little.

Bare shelves
All the supermarkets and wholesalers shelves are empty but for a few packets of chips and rotting vegetables! Maize meal, sugar, milk and soap are non existent.

ZINASU reports the following . . .

There was mayhem in Bindura yesterday the 22nd of April 2008 when Bindura University of Science Education BUSE students joined other students at tertiary institutions countrywide in protesting against the illegal regime’s efforts to cling onto power despite losing the March 29 harmonised elections. The angry students stormed the streets at around 10am and marched from the new  to the old campus site chanting protest songs. The march was disrupted by ruthless and brutal armed soldiers who forced the students to stop the protest and assaulted several students in the melee. This led to the arrest of three student leaders who were quickly whisked away and are to appear in court today charged under the notorious Public Order and Security Act (POSA).

Last week saw the opening of tertiary institutions nationwide mounted by massive protests by aggrieved students who could not take lightly the exorbitant fee hikes and the illegal delay in releasing the just ended Presidential poll results. The students vowed to continue protesting until the illegal Government of Robert Mugabe swallows its pride, accept defeat and leave office. It is the hope of the Union that if there is to be a change of Government to one that is people centered that is only when the goal of “Education to all” becomes a reality.

Meanwhile…

Great Zimbabwe University students  peacefully demonstrated on Monday 21 April 2008 against the continued illegal stay in office by military junta Robert Mugabe, and the exorbitant tuition fees being charged by the University. The peaceful protest started in the college dining hall where students were chanting “PLEASE GO, YOU ARE FINISHED” prompting the security personnel on campus with the help of riot police officers to violently thwart the peaceful demonstration. ZINASU secretary for Legal Affairs Courage Ngwarai was arrested and is due to appear in Masvingo Magistrate Courts today. Students vowed not to rest until the country retains to its legitimate leaders elected by the people, that is, President of the Republic of Zimbabwe Morgan Richard Tsvangirai.

Jamela posted an impassioned comment on Amanda’s recent blog. Jamela makes a really good point and then falls short on a couple of others. First, and most importantly, Radox can do wonders to keep one’s activism at a high level. If you’re in Zimbabwe Jamela, maybe you’d like to have a Radox bath with me and we can talk this through? Clearly you have no understanding of the degree of advocacy and activism in Zimbabwe at this time.

Bubble up your nose on that one Jamela.

Zimbabweans are described as cowards on many discussion forums. This is where I also disagree with Jamela. There are a variety of expressions of bravery, and Zimbabweans are well versed in just about all of them. If your measurement of brave is a protest in Unity Square, well then you need to think again.

As far as expecting Kirsty Coventry to make a stand and boycott the Olympic Games . . . I’d give her great kudos for having the fins to do that. It would be a very powerful statement. But I disagree with the writer Amanda’s quotes when she says that “every other Zimbabwean has taken a stand“. Not true, especially within the business community.

On relying on international support to sort our crisis out, I’m with Jamela. It’s unfathomable to me that we don’t see the need for a multi-faceted approach to dealing with this dictatorship. Elections and the international community need to be complemented with strong internal pressure.

There’s more than one way to pluck a jongwe.

As I’ve mentioned before one of the most invigorating aspects of working in an organization like Kubatana.net is getting to hear and read the remarkable information and ideas created by our subscribers.

We are also privileged to be able to receive information from far flung corners of the country, and share it further.

A farmer down in Chiredzi sent this through yesterday:

Dangerously unhappy – I am getting many SMS messages from the MDC youth now desperately looking for guns, saying that they are tired of been chased and beaten by Mugabe’s youth, obviously I do not have arms to give them and so tell them that Morgan wants all his people to stay calm and peaceful. My and many others question is, when the people have obviously won an election but the losers do not intend to hand over, how do the people force the losers out peacefully? If somebody has an answer to this question, please let me know so that I can pass it on and so give hope to our people and help to prevent a blood bath.

Some people have responded to our various blogs saying that we must be patient and that Morgan’s diplomatic shuffle, and the international community, will put the situation right in Zimbabwe. But like all complicated issues, there is never just one solution, and right now people in Zimbabwe are crying out for leadership. With Tsvangirai and Biti out of the country, who do we look to for direction and strategy?

Many of us are looking inwards and invoking our individual leadership and helping others. But there is a need for the MDC to get active again.

Here are some useful tips sent to us by a passionate man committed to Zimbabwe’s restoration. More than take note – take some of them on!

We need to counter Zanu PF tactics

Communication
Fliers, newspapers, rallies, SMS, emails, international media

Violence and Intimidation
Build while they burn
Support teams of activists to stand up to the bullies
We must document the violence, get it into the media and expose the perpetrators

Civil Disobedience
Create doubt among Zanu PF
Name and Shame
Expose them, assets, deals etc.

In the event of a Run-off
Pre-election Strategies
Election Day Strategies

The ordinary person can – at no personal exposure

* Forward SMS messages of encouragement to friends and colleagues every day
* Drive with their headlights on and encourage others to do the same
* Give people lifts – especially the police and army personnel – let them do the talking
* Talk to friends about the situation – keeping positive, encouraging and creating awareness

The next steps (as people become braver) could be:

* Open palm salutes to everyone throughout the day
* More open discussion and encouragement
* The distribution of newspaper articles and fliers

From most of you we expect a lot more – we expect you to take charge, LEAD

Philip Barclay from the British Embassy has been blogging again – he’s recommended reading. Here’s an excerpt, and if you want the full blog click here

There’s a right way and a wrong way to approach a cordon of Zimbabwean riot police. It’s not clever for example to don an MDC t-shirt and ask the plod for the results of the Presidential election.

I usually try and carry it off with a self-confident swagger, as if a line of big cops in crash helmets and heavy boots carrying nasty sticks is an everyday hurdle. I try to look like a man who has proper business in Zimbabwe’s High Court, rather than what the state media portrays me as: a colonialist who is sabotaging Zimbabwe’s economy because he wants to restore white supremacism. As I reach the thick blue line I manage a cheerful:

“Good morning! How are you sirs?”,

in the Zimbabwean style.