So, they are at it again, the capitalist n*ggers [apologies to Chika Onyeani, author of the book by the same name], wearing black empowerment caps but having nefarious self-aggrandising hearts. Someone Tweeted the other day about how Robert Mugabe inspired the spirit of hard work in Zimbabwe, but the twit neglected to mention it is economic mismanagement that inspired the so-called hard work that has earned and turned many into veritable entrepreneurs. We all know that there is nothing like “hard work pays” in Zimbabwe, you just have to listen to the stories of the few men and women still in formal employment who have locked up managers, beaten up company executives because of the unpaid hard work they put in but at the end of the month take mouthfuls home empty promises. It is no wonder then that when you talk to anyone, virtually all poor Zimbabweans have dreams about waking up in the morning with stupendous wealth, and this is writ large when you follow the dogfight emerging from the black empowerment band wagon. Argghh, the pomposity with which some of these capitalist n*ggers speaketh.

You just have to recall the visit to the United States a few months ago where the empowerment crusade was taken, and you could see this former journalist dude speaking as if he had all the answers about anything, yet today a firebrand jailbird is giving it to him claiming missing dosh, thanks to these unsanctioned foreign jaunts. It was US acting President Ronald Regean [he was a former actor you see] whose wisecracks have become stuff of legend who quipped, “Hard work never killed anyone, but I figure, why take the chance.” Exactly. No hard work, just claim your economic birth right as a black Zimbabwean and you got it made. It will be recalled the “deposed” AAG president said it loud and proud that Zimbabwean folks gotta strike now for the indigenisation drive will not last forever, “don’t say we will come home to invest when thing are all right, the time is now,” the Muezzin bellowed from the roof tops. Everyone has come to know all claims to black empowerment in the name of spread wealth to the poor is nothing but a smokescreen for government officials and their associates to strip the land of its wealth. You just have to look at the community trusts created in mining areas that have been riddled with controversy as government officials fall over each other depriving toothless grannies of at their right to tea with milk and bread with butter in their twilight years. And what do you know, these are the same people who still insist it is these same grannies who will vote for them in the next election! Upfumi kuvhanu, perhaps the worst misnomer to emerge in Zimbabwe’s post-independence discourse.

From a Guardian article comes an interesting suggestion that “The MDC possibly acts as a sponge, soaking up revolutionary fervour that would otherwise find expression on the streets.”

Read Letter from Harare: why Mugabe is unlikely to share Gaddafi’s grisly fate … The ageing dictator’s greatest enemy is not an army of rebels but failing health.

Parallels can be drawn between the 1997 cash payouts to the war veterans and the recent disbursement of ‘youth development funds’ to the youth in Zimbabwe. The objectives of both programmes were to ‘economically empower’ ordinary citizens. While the war veteran payouts were just that, the YDF loans to the ‘youth’ are actually expected to be returned at some point. Under pressure from war veterans demanding payment for their role in the liberation struggle, President Robert Mugabe ordered unbudgeted payouts of 50,000 to each. The local dollar subsequently fell 71.5 percent against the greenback while the stock market crashed by 46 percent as investors rushed for the US dollar.

These unplanned payouts to war veterans went down the annals of history as the event that marked the beginning of the collapse of the country’s economy.

The ‘loans’ recently awarded to selected ‘youth’ in Zimbabwe may not accomplish glory of a similar magnitude, but what may follow can be anyone’s guess.

In the spirit of economically empowering the youth in Zimbabwe, the government – through the Ministry of Indigenisation and Empowerment – availed funds to be used in bettering the lives of youth through income generating projects. The funds are being managed through CBZ Bank, and insurance giant Old Mutual is part of a $10 million grant deal to the YDF. It is a big wonder what made the company agree to such an arrangement which stands to undermine its financial position. When companies like Old Mutual start to simply give away their net worth as gifts, we should get worried. But perhaps it is a clever way to escape the 51% remission guillotine.

In the YDF programme, there is no recovery plan, no obligation, and no collateral – just “young people who have benefited from the facility are encouraged to pay back the loans so that the funds can be extended to other eligible youth in revolving mode”. Are you kidding? So the 800+ lucky ‘youth’ whose names were published in recent press releases as beneficiaries are expected to create thriving businesses that will in the short term make profits from which the loans will then be paid back so that others can benefit.

There is no stipulated timeline by which the loans should be returned, so technically these are indefinite loans. There are just too many holes in this programme. As economist Erich Bloch would say it; the indigenization issue is being handled with a “total disregard for all economic fundamentals or principles.”

This could well be a grand scheme by some well placed individuals to throw away populist money and obtain a few kick-backs in the process. Can imagine obscure groups like Upfumi Kuvadiki getting such loans and actually being expected to pay them back, laugh out loud. We are assured that there are no ‘ghosts’ on the beneficiary list. Probably. I personally know someone whose name appeared on that list. To the best of my knowledge and without being judgmental, this person has plans to purchase a residential stand, possesses no entrepreneurial skills and actually got a consultant to develop his business plan that got him the loan. He wouldn’t say exactly how much he is going to get, but he invited me to ‘also apply and stop being jealous and missing out’.

The requirements are that you just fill in a form, submit a business plan, company registration document, identification documents and Bob’s your uncle, literally. You also need to prove that you are ‘legally constituted’ in a partnership; and if you are not, you are expected to ensure this happens within three months after receiving the loan (why bother then?).

Am I missing something here? Or perhaps I am just being jealous? Well, if you can’t beat em join em hey?

This is Zimbabwe.

So this Sata[n] guy is now Zambian president. But we can see where this is going. He is the “opposition” guy who during this presidential bid slammed the “opposition” guy of another country, and we obviously wondered what his priorities were, whether he had run out epithets for Rupiah Banda, the then Zimbabwean Zambia president. And we obviously have to ask what this will mean about Tsvangirai trying to rally or engage other SADC leaders in his long stand-off with Mugabe. Can we expect Tsvangirai to have Sata’s ear? Maybe he will have it [the ear] for a bit of wringing like they do those bratty kindergarten kids, for that’s exactly how the new president was behaving in the run-up! But then it must be remembered this Sata guy was being advised not to stand for election because of his apparently failing health.

It’s already being asked about the political implications of voting for a guy whose “tenure” on earth is already under close scrutiny not by his opponents but his physicians! But then the history of post-independence African politics has plenty of these ailing old men who imagine themselves to be agile Herculeses imagining they can withstand the rigours of the rough political terrain known in these rather cruel parts. Recall that old fool Kamuzu Banda falling and failing to use his reflexes that had been slowed by old age and hitting his mouth on the hard earth? He still insisted he was raring to go, “the people still want me,” he said, like someone we know, despite plenty evidence to the contrary even among his very own comrades!

I ain’t no clairvoyant nor a tsikamutanda, but Zambians – and indeed the world – are obviously watching this Sata guy and will soon be asking themselves why the heck they voted for a sick guy for president.

Chickenshed present …

The Rain That Washes

At Chickenshed

Tuesday 29th September 2011 – Saturday 8th October

An epic journey through Zimbabwe’s turbulent history. A true story that is poignant, political and personal, this beautifully realised one-man show brings to life the human drama behind the history and the headlines.

Following the dream of majority rule, one man sees Ian Smith’s Rhodesia become Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe.

From refugee camps in Botswana to air strikes in Zambia via Marxism in Bulgaria, he returns to Zimbabwe, only to witness the greatest betrayal of all.

Age Recommendation: 12 plus
Running Time: Approx. 60 minutes
Tickets: £8 (£6 concs)

Venue: Chickenshed Theatre (Studio)
Address: Chase Side, Southgate,London, N14 4PE

Box Office: 020 8292 9222

Nearest Tube: Oakwood/Cockfosters.

More here

At the unveiling of its flag Mthwakazi Liberation Front Vice President Edgar Gumede told the NewsDay that:

“It is time we face reality. The naked truth is that we are under black colonial rule, masterminded by the Mugabe-led regime. It is not true that we in MLF hate Shonas. No, no, no, we don’t! We hate the colonial system of government that they imposed in Mthwakazi.”

This is a South Africa based party, which was launched to protect and safeguard the interests of Mthwakazi State.  But one wonders who are the Mthwakazi and who are they fighting against and who colonized them in the first place? If my memory serves me right MLF supporters clashed with MDC supporters during the SADC summit held in South Africa a clear sign that the party is serious in its fight against any political party and tribe Zimbabwe, especially the Shonas. During the skirmishes MLF supporters went on to burn the Zimbabwean flag and recently the same party made news headlines when they said they wanted to unveil Mthwakazi flag and currency.

In my own view even if a new government comes to power MFL will continue with its struggle for independence. Whether MLF is a genuine party or not is a question that many people would ask since this party is only heard in the newspapers and operates mainly from South Africa.