The US president Barrack Obama will be attending Nelson Mandela’s funeral accompanied by 3 former US presidents – Bush, Clinton and Carter. His Excellency Robert Gabriel Mugabe, the president of Zimbabwe, will also be attending along with 3 former presidents of Zimbabwe – R. G. Mugabe, R. G. Mugabe and R. G. Mugabe.

The Institutional Capacity Assessment by the Department of Social Services (DSS) noted that Zimbabwe was in a crisis situation where the ratio of Social Workers to the population of service users is wildly out of proportion. In Zimbabwe the ratio of children to Social Workers was in the order of 49 587:1 social worker. This is in stark contrast with other countries in the region: South Africa: 250:1 social worker / Botswana: 1 867:1 social worker / Namibia: 4 300: social worker

ZimAsset is not a plan; it’s a wish list. It doesn’t address the basic crisis Zimbabwe’s economy is in. – Eddie Cross

ZimAsset sets a very tight timetable + ambitious goals. Not encouraging that Deputy Minister of Finance is running 1hr late for his presentation on it. – Amanda Atwood

Zimbabwe is unable to access IMF & World Bank because we’re not in good standing. It’s not sanctions. If you don’t repay, you can’t borrow. – Dr Kadenge

The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe has moved to quash reports of a return of the Zimbabwean dollar: “The Reserve Bank wishes to unequivocally put it on record that such reports have no basis whatsoever. As monetary authorities, we wish to assure the business community and members of the public that there are no plans to reintroduce the Zimbabwean dollar in the near future.” – Acting Governor Dr Charity Dhliwayo

Power cuts? Oh well. No water? What’s new? What is it about us Zimbabweans asks @kay__sweets. Do we really not care?

Poetry by Freedom T.V. Nyamubaya, featured on Poetry International.

A Mysterious Marriage

Once upon a time
A boy and girl were
Forced to leave their home
By armed robbers.
The boy was Independence
The girl was Freedom.
While fighting back, they got married.

After the big war they went back home.
Everybody prepared for the wedding.
Drinks and food abounded,
Even the disabled felt able.
The whole village gathered waiting,
Freedom and Independence
Were more popular than Jesus.

Independence came
But Freedom was not there.
An old woman saw Freedom’s shadow passing
Through the crowd, leaving by the gate.
All the same, they celebrated Independence.

Independence is now a senior bachelor.
Some people still talk about him,
Others take no notice.
A lot still say it was a fake marriage.
You can’t be a husband without a wife.
Fruitless and barren, Independence staggers to old age.
Leaving her shadow behind,
Freedom has never returned.

Mysterious Marriages Continued

After the mysterious disappearance
Freedom still not found
We can’t say she is dead
No evidence of her whereabouts
Police tired of investigating
Probably they need a bribe
For something to start happening.

Now we hear of the newly weds
I’m not sure who married who
Whether Morgan married Robert
Or Robert married Morgan
Maybe they married each other

Somebody is optimistic
These days anything can be legalised
If only you fight for it

A couple of years ago there was a similar marriage
Zipra and Zanla got married
And became Mr and Mrs ZIPA
ZIMBABWE PEOPLE’S ARMY
The two were madly in love
But their parents hated each other
The next thing we heard was an out-of-court
settlement
The reason being simple: They spent most
Of the time trying to outwit each other

As the elephants continue fighting
The grass and twigs suffer heavy casualties

In Mt Darwin, Mashonaland Central, it was a question of choice
Do you want long sleeves or short
This is not about buying at Edgars
It’s a hand cut off voting for your choice
Freedom is not allowed in this country

In Mutoko, Mashonaland East, suspected youth sell-outs
Pay between two goats and a herd of cattle to base managers
Or risk disappearing
This is usually after their buttocks have turned to minced meat

In Chegutu, Mashonaland West, as we speak
One white couple three children two dogs one cat and a maid
Spent the whole day frog-jumping in their underwear
For not accepting the rule of looting
That normally happens just before harvest
In Matabeleland nobody wants to talk about it,
Gukurahundi,
Some people may have to change their names
When freedom comes

In Mutare
Helicopters hover over diamond panners in Chiadzwa
2000 dead. Nobody gives a damn
Diamonds are for members of the politburo only

Whether its Robert or Morgan
Each can be two sides of the same coin
Freedom may remain a myth
Until we claim it

In the Newlands vlei, I spot a squatter walking towards his grass hut. He’s wearing a Zanu PF 2013 election t-shirt / empower, employ, indigenise, develop.

Along Kew Drive a pedestrian saunters along carrying a Mugabe portrait under each arm. Is there much of a market for door to door sales of RGM I wonder?

Later, I spot Bob unhung.

There’s a level of totalitarianism that pinches my nerves that is clearly visible in Zimbabwe. The people are always stuffed under the heavy hand of the despot either in the guise of ‘home grown solutions’ or ‘catching up with international standards’. Whenever the government wants to suck money out of us they do it to catch up with international trends.

Good examples are the introduction of toll gates, increasing toll fees, debates about urban tolls, spot fines, increasing import taxes and levies, new police and ministers’ vehicles, etc. International standards are unceremoniously dumped whenever issues of accountability and good governance are brought up and replaced by ‘home grown remedies’, which in most cases have only looked well crafted on paper but void in implementation.

They work these things like magicians in our eyes; most of the time we fail to connect the two dots in the line in the use of the terms from the start of the con plan to steal money from us to the point where we want the result and details of expenditure. A good but sad example is the toll fees which were forcibly introduced on our roads to catch up with regional and international trends and without fail, every motorist is paying but the amount of potholes on our highways by far do not reflect the tremendous amounts of money that is being collected in toll fees everyday.

Interestingly the government is still working ‘flat out’ to craft ‘home grown solutions’ that will insure that the system is water tight and any corruption be brought to book. Others who have tried to question the accountability of the government and police over toll fees and spot fines have been labeled western puppets whose agenda is to serve their western masters and to push for a regime change in our country. Anyone who asks questions about the diamond revenues (including the former Finance Minister, Biti), Zupco unfair operations, civil service inflated wage bills and unfair distributions of farming, energy, water and security resources etc, has been placed in this neocolonialists puppet bracket.

President Mugabe noted that the economy was facing numerous challenges characterized by declining production levels, high production costs, company closures and high unemployment level. The government will therefore prioritize sustained economic recovery and growth and in particular the implementation of pro-poor economic policies. – Southern African Parliamentary Support Trust newsletter on the First Session Eighth Parliament

Timeslive reader comment: “The tyrant is so frail that he can’t even hold his arm up anymore. Zimbabwe, like Africa, deserves what it gets. Now will all the Zimbos in South Africa please go home, you have had your free and fair elections absent of violence.”

Xenophobic attacks in the making?