The Research and Advocacy Unit, “outlawed” yesterday from holding a public voter’s roll audit says an eye-popping 2 million Zimbabweans failed to have names included on the voter’s roll during the voter registration exercise, while another 1 million mysterious names appear in the register.

A young man doing some degree at the Chinhoyi University of Technology told me the other day he went along with his dad to register, and when they got to the queue they were given “tickets” with numbers apparently to ensure no wise guys jumped the queue.

But the young man complained that while his dad was given a ticket numbered 220, he was given one numbered 651, never mind that he was standing behind his dad!

He thought it was a bad joke and now he finds himself missing his democratic right to vote!

He is certainly one of many of the 2 million RAU says will not vote despite being eligible, and as Tsvangirai has said, no matter who wins, this election will not be legitimate.

How can it be when many people will not be able to vote, not because they have lost faith in the whole process of elections being the only way to determine their future, but because the system literally shut them out.

I found a Zanu PF leaflet on Arcturus Road in in Harare East yesterday. I think it’s meant to be a serious political document but there are several Ha Ha moments worth sharing:

Apparently Zanu PF
a) has given us economic empowerment
b) youth empowerment
c) provided education for all
d) provided health for all
e) they’ve uplifted the position of a woman
f) are peace loving

Zanu PF will also never accept homosexuality.

They will also never accept something called beastialily (I think that’s a Polynesian cocktail).

Speaking of drinking, apparently Cde RG has taught us that clinging to generational unforgiveness is as foolish as drinking poison and waiting on someone else to die.

And, why should you vote for him? Well, he’s a job creator (apparently), we Zimbabweans enjoy human rights without disturbance, and Zanu PF guarantees economic prosperity.

Who writes this crap?

Increasingly, Zimbabwe’s political pulse is palpable everywhere, with one soldier the other day saying rather cynically, “do you have to wear a T-shirt to show which party you support? I know who I will vote for.”

And then he joined other colleagues in lamenting the state of the nation.

It was obvious what he was talking about.

Yet one continues to hear uncorroborated claims that the security forces are fully behind the revolutionary party.

Could be true, but then “security forces” is too broad.

What we however know for certain is that it is the vultures who have stripped the land of its wealth, who have built mansions, who have enjoyed overseas trips while privates (sic) and corporals who know damn well they will never be homeowners, have become the laughing stock of an equally impoverished population.

Never mind that back in the 1980s being a soldier was envied as a well-salaried career of choice.

I recall as young boys back in the day envying the local older lads who had joined the military and from whom we came to know “tinned beef,” a type of food that was enough to convince young minds that being a soldier was “the life!”

You see, these soldiers always brought home tinned beef “from work” and it seemed so exciting that you could carry a gun in hand and tinned beef in the other, talk about romanticizing the army life!

I sniggered the other day when a colleague’s four year old daughter was reciting stuff she had learnt at kindergarten and when she arrived at the “when I grow up” part said with the innocence of a child: “when I grow up I want to be a soldier.”

I recalled how young men from Matebeleland have shunned recruitment to the barracks over the years, with impassioned pleas from Zanu PF political leaders in the region for the young Matebeles to join in the fight to protect the country’s sovereignty. These please have fallen on deaf ears!

Thus it is that the special vote count will be eagerly watched, and it would be interesting that the rioting cops were actually determined to keep the status quo!

In addition to our dear spouses
and our allocation of small houses,
we will have an escort in every town,
growth-point and village: novice, hand-me-down,
school girl, slut… whatever takes our fancy.
We will relegate to sties all nancy
boys, to kennels all dykes, who will be cured,
in God’s good time, well and truly skewered,
by patriotic soldiers with long poles.
Sell-outs will be buried in ant bear holes
after overturning, or hitting trees.
All judges will be given factories
to asset-strip; and Generals will get mines,
with free access to anything that shines.
All policemen loyal to the Party
will be allowed to keep their bribes.  Hearty
support will be given to servile priests,
and Russians will be entertained with feasts
using cattle from sycophantic whites:
Rhodies with insatiable appetites
for Four-by-fours, biltong, safari camps,
the nostalgic smell of paraffin lamps.
Aliens will be cast into outer
darkness.  The First Lady will obtain her
beauty products from Harrods and Dubai.
We will encourage white people to die
because it’s only then that we can trust
Blair’s kith and kin. “Eternity or Bust”
Is our slogan.  We affirm that bullets
are mightier than ballots, and true lies
make a nation healthy, wealthy, and wise.
We will double the strength of the forces,
give them live ammunition and horses
to crush traitors who disturb our cities
(especially girls who bare their titties.)
We will not tolerate freedom of speech,
freedom of assembly, freedom of each
and every citizen to criticize
our Excellency: all knowing; strong ties
with North Korea; Africa’s Jesus!
Nations prostrate themselves when he sneezes,
and the world entire is shaken to bits
when Big Boy squats on his people – and shits.

My vision of transition in Zimbabwe all along has been following a model and blueprint of anger and retaliation by the masses like what we noticed in Libya. This however clashed with my utopia of a Gotham Zimbabwe where people could live in harmony within their communities and where the governor respects the governed.

After pondering upon the story within the Anglican Church in Zimbabwe, I also saw my wish being quashed to favour a more Zimbabwean like and dignified but yet painful way (to our adversaries) of making political transition in Zimbabwe.

I felt so touched and at the same time jubilant by the events in the Anglican saga in Zimbabwe. From that moment in December 2012 when Bishop Chad Gandiya held a cleansing ceremony of the cathedral, I have always felt that the same demon that had manifested itself in the church is the same, although with additional tricks, with the one that is currently besieging the political side of our country.

For a new era to be officially declared in Zimbabwe, incense should burn in exactly the same way that happened at Harare cathedral to exorcise a demon and scourge of repression and corruption that had manifested itself in our politicians and held the whole country to ransom for far too long. The overwhelming majority of Zimbabweans are Christians therefore I feel that it will be the right call for the whole nation to come together in unity to pray and cleanse our nation of this decade long totalitarianising evil by a gang of greedy kleptomaniacs.

Romans 12v20-21 clearly teaches us that, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”