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The reason women fight over men is simple – lack.

To many women, a single man can represent a roof over their head, food in their belly, clothes on their back and most importantly – a pride in their bearing.

And quite frankly, I don’t know of many people who wouldn’t fight to protect an “investment” that guarantees them most of life’s basic necessities.

I know that I would fight anyone who tried to take my shelter away, grab my food from me and snatch the sweet out of my mouth.

I would fight anyone who made the mistake of trying to leave me nude by pulling the clothes off my back or even worse, expose me to public ridicule by making me an object of pity.

I would fight any one.

The problem though is not that we want to fight for these things or indeed that we desire to have and keep them.

The problem is that not many of us (women) exert ourselves to pursuing these things for our benefit because we have been raised in a society where having a man equates to having all of the above – shelter, food, clothing and “respectability”.

So women fight other women because they fear to remain homeless, hungry, naked and ‘ashamed’.

I know many women who fight to have shelter, to have food, to have clothing by working damn hard to earn those things and whose sense of purpose gives them all the dignity they require – these are the empowered women; clawing their way to the top; understanding that they can succeed on their own.

I know many women; and I am one of them, who don’t summarize other human beings (read men) into shelter, food, clothes and status.

I find it irksome when women who have the potential to accomplish whatever they want in life opt to take a “short cut” by just getting a man to provide all the things they need and because they have chosen this dependency they make themselves vulnerable to abuse from their benefactor (read man).

Not only that, they find themselves obsessed with chasing off other women who will have had the same idea as they did, which is, “Let me find a man to take care of me.”

It seems clever, especially to the young 24 year old involved with a married older man; because she gets what she wants faster and easier than her age-mates who may make the sensible choice of just working hard and slowly attaining the things they wish to have.

Sweat or tears.

Many women prefer to pay through tears; they prefer life’s billing system to charge them through tears of pain, suffering, abuse, rejection and misery as long as they get to drive around in flashy cars they don’t own, live in houses on whose title deeds their names don’t appear; eat food their money didn’t pay for and wear clothes they didn’t lose a cent to buy.

But men are raised differently; they are raised to expect life’s billing system to charge them in the currency called sweat; they sweat to work, to achieve because they have been told that they have to expect to “keep” someone else, to provide a shelter, food, clothing and ‘protection’ to a woman – they can even marry her so that in return she’ll wash, cook, clean and have babies.

Seems like a reasonable arrangement, right?

Well I don’t think so, I think it is unfair to expect another adult who happens to be male to carry the weight of responsibility for another adult who happens to be female by giving him the sole obligation to sweat all life-long while the role of the woman could just be to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

It seems to be such a parasitic arrangement to me.

One way or the other, we’re gonna pay – women need to start deciding whether they want to keep settling life’s bills through tears because as long as the culture of looking for a man to “take care” of you remains, violence against women will remain a vicious cycle.

This level of one-sided dependence is unhealthy, parasitic and creates a fertile environment for women to be abused and to resort to violence when they feel their relationships are being threatened by other women.

So women fight over men because it is matter of survival for them; it is a matter of lack, of defending a relationship that guarantees the basics they desperately need – shelter, food, clothing (and because of society’s skewed patriarchal thinking) some semblance of human dignity – but this “dignity” aspect is fodder for another article.

I know of some men who abuse women and tell them “you’re nothing without me” – the sad reality is; many women truly HAVE nothing unless a man grants it to them.

Parting shot: Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; none but ourselves can free our minds (Marcus Garvey)

This article is part of series written ahead of and in cognizance of the 16 Days of Activism against gender-based violence

I woke up today to a gentle shower falling outside. It was a slow and steadily falling rain; the kind that nourishes the earth. The warm, life sustaining shower that slowly sinks into the ground, soaked up by a parched earth, ever falling even as the sun peeks through. When the time is right, these showers produce the most amazing rainbows. Rainbows so colourful and so vibrant you thought you only had to reach it to touch it. I have spent countless hours amazed at this phenomenon. Growing up, our mothers knew, this was the perfect rain to plant your sweet potatoes in. For the younger tots it was in such showers that you spent countless fun filled hours, playing while mothers watched with mock indignation. The rain was so gentle, so warm, a caress on our skins.

As l opened the windows, my senses were assailed by that sweet, illusive aroma that wafts from the earth at the start of the rains. You can smell it, but it defies description. You just want to go outside and roll around in the wet grass and hope you absorb it through every pore of your being. You open your mouth and take it in in large gulps. You still can’t take in enough. It is the promise of new beginnings. It speaks of renewal and rebirth. It is the sweet smell of hope. It is the reward of months of faith. It is the earth exhaling in thanksgiving. It promises tender juicy mealies; so tender you eat the corn with the cob and sweet, sweet pumpkins.  It’s the promise of mounds of hot sadza and pumpkin leaves in peanut butter sauce. It says to the watcher, watch and wait, the season of plenty is nigh.

This shower is not the violent thunderstorm that so often occurs at the start of the rain season. The storm that is often full of sound and fury and at the end leaves a trail of death and destruction. This violent storm leaves gullies in the ground and tears up the trees from their roots. The lightning incinerates homes and leaves people stranded with only the clothes on their backs. The rain from this storm does not sink into the ground; rather, it sweeps across the land, taking away crops and livestock. Destroying when it is supposed to nourish. Taking life when it is supposed to give it. Our people knew not to plant their crops by these rains. Rather, you watched and you waited. You tilled the land and you prepared your seed for soon it would be time to plant under the nourishing rains that came after the storm.

And so it is with the affairs of Zimbabwe. We have experienced the sound and fury of countless violent storms. Entire families and communities have been uprooted and displaced. Storms of violence have left a trail of death and destruction. Yet still the gentle showers come, with the promise of renewal and rebirth. We open our lungs and take gulpfuls of the sweet illusive scent of new beginnings. We prepare the ground and we ready the seed and then we watch and we wait; because since time immemorial, these showers have said, the season of plenty is nigh. For however violent the storm, it soon wears itself out.

Bulawayo Agenda have just issued this report:

Hwange
Teachers in one of the schools in the mining town of Hwange are reported to have been arrested for being in possession of wireless radios. The radios were distributed to the teachers by PTUZ. There are suspicions that the arrests may be politically motivated. However, PTUZ and the Hwange Human Rights Youth Forum have organized a demo for Thursday against Police brutality and harassment. The two teachers are still in police custody.

Victoria Falls
Gushungo buses are said to have resurfaced in Hwange. The buses are plying the Hwange – Victoria Falls route for free to the residents of Hwange and Victoria Falls. The resurfacing of the buses is thought to be an election campaign method by ZANU-PF. It is also alleged that Zanu PF is funding funerals and birthday bashes of residents in Vic Falls with one resident having benefitted 21 crates of beer and 25 crates of soft drinks on her 50th birthday bash.  It is also reported that Zanu PF is dishing out ‘loans’ of between $500 to $1000 to youths and women in various parts of the country while  government has run out of funds for other important issues such as grants for the elderly and the disabled.

During my recent visit to Tafara suburb distributing the vendor wrapper with Zanele, we came across a private primary school. Some people may ask what’s so special about this school since in most suburbs there has been an upsurge in the number of private schools operating. What really attracted me to this school is the fact that nowadays it’s impossible to find someone who can volunteer to offer a service for no charge.

Chiedza/Khanyiso is a private school situated in Tafara suburb with another branch in Sunningdale. Founded in the year 2005 under the name Chiedza/Khanyiso which means light, the school is a symbol for hope to so many little children attending lessons.  The school enrols children from grade one up to six and the fascinating part is the way lessons are conducted at this school. There are two building structures, one is a church building without a roof and the other structure that looked like it was about to fall down, has benches made from wooden poles and it has no floor. Grade ones and twos share the makeshift building and lessons are conducted concurrently with grades three up six doing their lessons in one room in the roofless church building.

During my interview with Mr Chikwanha who is the overseer of the school, he said, “the main motivation behind running a school like Chiedza/Khanyiso is to assist children without birth certificates and those who can’t pay fees at government schools.” Mr Chikwanha a former teacher with over 40 years experience runs the school with assistance from two female volunteer teachers who showed pride in their work when we interviewed them. When we got the invitation to see the grade one and two classroom we saw faces filled with joy and hope. On the issue of birth certificates Mr Chikwanha said he approached the Registrar General’s Office and he managed to get assistance and some the children at school now have birth certificates. The school also gets assistance from the Salvation Army Church, which owns the church building being used as a classroom, and recently they received a donation of school uniforms from Childline. Since we are now in summer there is a possibility that these children will skip lessons during rainy days.

Children pay a fee of $5 per term and this only covers admin expenses for the school with little to spare to buy textbooks and proper furniture said Mr Chikwanha. Under Millennium Development Goal Number 2, which aims to ensure that all children of school going age have access to primary education by the year 2015, one wonders if Zimbabwe can meet the deadline as most parents are still finding it difficult to pay school fees for their children. With the introduction of BEAM (Basic Education Assistance Module) in all government schools not all children have managed to access this fund and this has forced many parents to send their children to private schools like Chiedza/Khanyiso where they can afford to pay the low fees.