“There is life beyond politics and I hope with a bit of luck to experience that myself,” said British Defence Secretary John Hutton on announcing his resignation from the government of Gordon Brown on June 5, 2009.

And these are the same British chaps lampooned over the years by the Zanu PF cabal, the same Africans who have chosen politics as a career where wild riches are amassed beyond their wildest dreams. Take them out of the political office what do they have? Kind of reminds one of Africa’s career politicians doesn’t it? Once one is elected into office, you are in it for life. And this obsession is exactly what has fed or fanned political violence as unpopular leaders stoke the emotions of poor people and refuse to leave office and therefore politics.

For some reason they can never pursue other interests outside gladiatorial politics, those who left without putting up a fight have for example been appointed to mediate in some of the world’s hot spots, yet those who came after them have seen no reason why they should leave and pursue other interests.

Thank God for those nations who continue resisting attempts by idiotic leaders who seek to rewrite their constitutions in a bid to extend their rule as if that itself is informed by having done a swell job. On the contrary. They still want to amend constitutions even though the people they claim elected them into office are fed up and seek fresh minds to steer them away from perennial poverty.

So what do these career politicians who seek to amend constitutions and those who lose elections do? They unleash their supporters and the security forces on their perceived opponents to “quell unrest” and the blood on the streets thus defines African politics as informed by their unwillingness to make themselves useful elsewhere other than the realm of politics. It is a crying shame. Wacko Jacko sang about blood on the dance floor: these politicians have blood on their hands but they continue dancing! D for dancing ministers, right?

Within Zimbabwe’s context, it is interesting that the people who presided over the country’s ruin are celebrated for their education and insist on being addressed as such – remembering of course that some of the PhDs are honorary. So one would imagine they would easily find use elsewhere where no punches are thrown and no verbal WMDs are hurled.

Yet because they have destroyed all sectors of gainful employment, they find that they too will never find “proper” jobs outside active politics so they stick it out in bloody politics come hell or high water and urge supporters to cudgel anyone who chants a different political slogan! That is the odium African politics carries in its baggage thus we see that drive to personalise whole nations as leaders refuse to leave office and declare themselves life presidents – as if there was ever such a thing. But then African politicians typically live by that old dictum: make hay while the sun shines. And they sure do.

For me, nothing can be more revolting than ‘men of God’ taking the Lord’s name in vain. In Zimbabwe there is a curious breed of ‘men of God’ who are shamelessly peddling ZANU-PF propaganda in the name of God. There is a cadre of ZANU-PF activists who masquerade as Christians and purport to preach virtues of forgiveness, national healing and peace when in fact all they are doing is covertly convey ZANU-PF messages to an unsuspecting clergy. This is unfair; it is only fair that l reveal to the public, for the avoidance of doubt, that these so-called Bishops and pastors are agents of the regime.

For those familiar with Zimbabwean politics l know already you have in mind ZANU-PF activists like: the dubious but prominent churchman, Reverend Obadiah Musindo (a convicted rapist who once described Mugabe as a ‘Black Moses’ and denounced MDC in his prayers) who heads Destiny Africa Network; yet another convicted rapist and ZANU-PF supporter, Madzibaba Pastor Lawrence Katsiru of the apostolic sect who terrorized Marondera in the cause of ZANU-PF; Madzibaba Nzira, also a convicted rapist who at one time “prophesied” that Mugabe was Zimbabwe’s rightful ruler; and die-hard ZANU-PF supporter, Mugabe praise singer and war veteran, disgraced Bishop Nolbert Kunonga who was excommunicated for the Anglican Church. In August 2005 Kunonga appeared before an ecclesiastical court facing numerous charges of bringing the church into disrepute including by bringing militant ZANU-PF politics to the pulpit.

Apart from these, we have more subtle and smooth supporters of ZANU-PFs disguised as churchmen, one of whom is Bishop Trevor Manhanga, who, of late, has been actively supporting embattled Reserve Bank Governor, Gideon Gono. At a funeral of Gono’s brother, Bishop Manhanga reportedly said there can be no national healing if people continued to call for Gono’s departure. In a recent opinion piece titled “Time to end the blame game,” claims that for Zimbabwe the real issue is not for Gono and Attorney General to go because next people will call for Augustine Chihuri, Perence Shiri, Happyton Bonyongwe and Constantine Chiwenga to go as well and finally for Mugabe to go. And according to Bishop Manhanga getting rid of these liabilities would be tragic and disastrous for Zimbabwe.

Interestingly, in a piece calling for the blame game to end, Manhanga immediately assigns blame to ‘those outside our borders,’ for orchestrating calls for Gono and Mugabe to go. And he states with finality that, ‘It will not happen.’ This ZANU-PF activist-cum-man of cloth then, in feigned piousness, lectures that now is the time for national healing and declares that it is time for all of us to be magnanimous.

My direct response to Bishop Manhanga is that for Zimbabwe, the past is the future. There can be no going forward without addressing the sins of the past and without holding to account those in ZANU-PF who have killed and maimed hundreds in Zimbabwe. What national healing is possible without justice? If Manhanga and his handlers think that Zimbabweans will forget how they were butchered and persecuted merely for expressing a different political view then he is in for a rude awakening. If Manhanga thinks that Zimbabweans will not see that under his church robes his is putting on a ZANU-PF t-shirt then he will be shocked to discover that his true identity and relationship to ZANU-PF is not so secret.

It feels me with outrage to read utter rubbish about national healing and moving forward from a so-called Bishop who did not lift a finger when human rights and MDC activists were being abducted and tortured in broad daylight. Talk of hypocrisy. Which Bible is Manhanga reading? Does the Bible not say in Amos 5:24 ‘Let Justice run down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream?’ And did Jesus Christ not condemn his kind when he said, ‘Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.’(Matthew 7:15).

Bishop Trevor Manhanga, please, do not insult the collective intelligence of Zimbabweans by propagating ZANU-PF propaganda disguised as gospel news and thinking we will be fooled. That will not happen. The tribe of political activists abusing the church pulpit must know that we will unmask them and engage them as they truly are, that is, ZANU-PF puppets and stooges.

Now is the time for patriotic Zimbabweans to come together and demand justice and accountability from those who hold political office. Now is the time to demand that the inclusive government delivers justice and bread to the people. We do not eat the presence of MDC in government, what we want are results on the table. We do not give flaming flamingos if MDC has a minister in charge of home affairs, what we want is change in the conduct of the police and tangible evidence that they now respect people’s rights. Otherwise of what use is it that Giles Mutseyekwa of MDC is co-minister in Home Affairs but MDC and human rights activists are being tortured, persecuted and harassed by police?

In Service to My Conscience and My Country . . .

I really still can’t get over the number of times that I have ridden a Mercedes Benz in the last few days. No, I haven’t bought myself one, and no, I haven’t found some rich man to take me on cruises in his Kompressor. The reason for this luxury is that I currently find myself in Germany – the home of the hallowed Merc.

Most taxis here are Mercedes Benz models – sedans, SUVs, station wagons – you name it. And boy, do the drivers know how to step on the gas. The top speed I have experienced thus far is 182km/hr. Now, the roads here are much better than back in beloved Zim; no potholes to avoid and so far, no drivers with a ‘kombi mentality’ ready and willing to swerve and slice their way through traffic. And apparently, there are no speed limits on certain stretches of road. But still, the ease with which the drivers step on the gas makes me whisper short prayers as my stomach ties up in knots.

I have been in Europe now for about 5 days – and my impression of it, thus far, is mostly good. What I especially like about Germany is that the people here have really managed to maintain the essence of their culture, of which I feel that language is a major constituent. Language of instruction within schools and general conversations are carried out in German. And so, almost all TV and radio stations, newspapers and street signs are in German. A classic example of my shock at this was when, at the airport in Munich, I tried to get myself something to read at the bookstore there. ABSOLUTELY nothing in there was in English!

And if you want to find your way around, you must always move around with a German. Not everyone one meets will be conversant in English, and a German speaker must always be at hand to help out.

That really got me thinking about local languages back home. If a person can only speak Shona or Ndebele, we tend to look down upon them as uneducated. Perhaps, this is because the main language of instruction within schools and the workplace remains English. And so, to not be conversant in the language implies that a person has not been to school.

But even more apparent – at least to me – is that many of us have grown to associate English with certain eloquence and status that we feel our own languages cannot offer us. Just think of the extra respect that the village elders get from other village folk if they can speak English, or dress in English-style suits. “He speaks the white man’s language so he must be wise and know a lot about the world,” is the mentality these folk tend to possess.

For me, this reasoning stems from the colonial legacy imbibed into people that makes us believe that expression in local languages cannot be erudite or eloquent.

Imagine if more local authors could publish in the vernacular, and if a market developed for their work. Imagine if there was a more diverse vernacular print media industry in Zimbabwe. Currently, the local language newspapers in Zimbabwe tend to be sensationalist and light-hearted. What if these media were used to raise the political consciousness of the masses, who are generally not so conversant in English and need not only to be entertained, but also to be informed and educated?

Just a few days in, and already a wealth of observations and contemplations on the difference between two fine nations.

According to Nelson Chamisa the Unity Government’s Information, Communication, Technology Minister, he needs US$2 million to set up a national web site that will promote Zimbabwe in order to attract investment. He wants to do this within the first 100 days. Doing this would be akin to one of those electronic Nigerian scams. I mean, c’mon Nelson what are you going to say?

Come invest in Zimbabwe where we have the rule of law!
Come and invest in Zimbabwe where we guarantee land and property rights!
Come and invest in Zimbabwe where we will make sure you have uninterrupted electricity supply!
Come and invest in Zimbabwe where our telecommunications network guarantees you getting through after the 55th try!

Nelson Chamisa’s priorities are woefully out of sync with what the people need and want. How about taking the US$2 million and putting it toward the overhaul of our water and sanitation system? Or fixing traffic lights so that people aren’t continually killed and maimed? A rubbish truck or two wouldn’t go amiss either. The list is pretty much endless but at this point and time, a national web site is certainly rock bottom.

It’s about time that the GNU focused on one bread and butter issue and delivered on that one issue so that we can visibly see progress being made on important enhancements to our lives.

Of course a national web site will be necessary but only when Nelson and Co actually have some successes with which to entice international investment.

Not only is the international community looking for signs of progress but Zimbabweans are too.

The closure of official Bureau de Changes gave rise to Osiphatheleni in the city of Bulawayo. They got their name from the fact that they stand along the street and say Usiphatheleni (what have you brought us) Bhudhi, Sisi, Mama or Baba. Or they used to. Now they say, “cross rate” (US$ to Rand, Pula to Rand and so on).

It was a few individuals to begin with and as inflation rose and the loss of value to the Zimbabwean dollar gathered momentum until it was like a runaway train, the streets were invaded by women in white dresses. Some belonging to the religious sect postoli and some just deciding to make white the uniform of the trade. Everyone wanted a piece of the get-rich-overnight cake.

The Zimbabwean dollar was suspended and the rug was pulled from under the feet of many. Drumsticks of fried chicken were literally snatched from the mouths of obese woman. At the height of the Zimbabwean economic crisis Osiphatheleni kept fast food outlets in business because they could afford the ridiculously priced chicken pieces and Russian sausages. A lot of the former Osiphatheleni had to stoop to selling feet and heads imported from South Africa.

I have since noticed that Osiphatheleni are slowly trickling back onto the street and a lot of people hate the sight of them. A lot of people have a bone or two to chew with Osiphatheleni because they believe inflation was fueled by them. The exchange rate between the US$ and the Rand recently changed from 1:10 to 1:9 and there are a lot of conspiracy theories revolving around Osiphatheleni. One day I had to explain to a group of very irate women that Osiphatheleni adhere to international exchange rates.

Recently I had a chance to witness first hand the important role played by Osiphatheleni in the absence of an official Bureau de Change. I went into a supermarket to buy some groceries. I had some Botswana Pulas on me and I was told that the exchange rate they were using was 1 Pula : 1 Rand. I promptly went to Osiphatheleni and got R120 for every P100 I had.

And watching the till almost crying as the operator battled with the cross rates between various currencies; I was even more convinced that Osiphatheleni had an important role to play in our multi-currency economy.

Who said this when asked about farm invasions and violence on farms?

There are incidents in which it is reported that there are invasions on one or two farms but it’s all blown out of proportion. We have investigated examples of those so-called farm invasions. We have asked the Minister of Lands to give us a detailed report of what has been happening over all these so-called farm invasions and the outcry over that.

That’s Morgan Tsvangirai, although you could easily have thought it was a Zanu PF stalwart.

Meanwhile, here’s a report by Jan Raath writing for the Mail & Guardian (SA), 28 May

President Robert Mugabe’s controversial “land reform programme” took a new twist on Wednesday when a court ordered the eviction of a man who is not a farmer. Ian Campbell-Morrison (46) lives in the Vumba Mountains in eastern Zimbabwe, next to a hotel where he is the green keeper. He and his wife live in a cottage on a plot not much bigger than a suburban garden, where she tends flowers. The Campbell-Morrisons used to farm tobacco and coffee, but the government seized their land and the farmhouse and gave it to a government official, leaving the couple their cottage and the garden around it, said Hendrik Olivier, director of the Commercial Farmers’ Union, made up mostly of Zimbabwe’s remaining 350 white farmers. A magistrate in the nearby city of Mutare nevertheless sentenced Campbell-Morrison to a fine of $800 for “illegally occupying state land” and ordered the couple to be off the property by Saturday. The Campbell-Morrisons are one of 140 white farming families facing eviction from their land in the latest tactic in Mugabe’s violent, lawless campaign to force white landowners – numbering about 5 000 when it started in 2000 – off their farms. The action is in the name of a redistribution of land to black Zimbabweans, but which has instead made a million former farm workers homeless and set off the collapse the once-prosperous country’s economy. Mugabe has declared all white-owned land to be state property and banned farmers from taking the government to court.

The evictions and violence have continued despite the establishment in February of a power-sharing government between Mugabe and former opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai, with an agreement to restore the rule of law and to “ensure security of tenure to all land holders”. Tsvangirai, now prime minister, began by promising to end the lawlessness, promising that “no crime [by invaders] will go unpunished,” but the police – under the control of staunchly pro-Mugabe security chiefs – continued to refuse to act against the mostly well-heeled Mugabe loyalists grabbing productive farms and selling their crops. Western governments have refused to provide finance for the recovery of the country’s economy from world-record inflation and decimation of production under Mugabe, until there are “clear signs of reform” in the re-establishment of the rule of law. The restoration of peace and security on the farms is cited as a key condition. But there was shock this week when Tsvangirai, referred in an interview to “isolated incidents of so-called farm invasions” that had “been blown out of proportion”. Said a Western diplomat: “He’s talking like Mugabe now.”

Throughout Tuesday night on Mount Carmel farm in the Chegutu district, farmer Ben Freeth and his family were terrorised by a mob of invaders who rolled blazing tyres at their thatch-roofed homestead. At the weekend, an 80-year-old woman was assaulted by police, who were removing her son from his farm. On Friday, another farmer was beaten by a Mugabe supporter. “There has been absolutely no resolution or even recognition that there is even a problem,” said CFU president Trevor Gifford, who is trying to stop a government official cutting down what is left of his timber plantation, and is selling it to the government of neighbouring Zambia for telephone poles. Gifford is due to appear in court on Friday for “illegally occupying state land”. “This is happening in a country that has become the world’s most dependent on donors for food,” he said. “Until this government respects the rights of its own citizens and investment agreements, no one will look at this country.”