Truth be told, when I define myself, nationality does not take precedence. From the time I was born, I was immersed in and shaped by my ethnicity. The language I speak, the traditions and values I keep, the history I’m rooted in and, to some extent, my way of thinking, are all affirmations of my primary identity as a Ndebele. I am part of the Nguni-speaking peoples of Africa – MaNdebele amahle, abakoMthwakazi, abondlela zimhlophe (The Beautiful Ndebele of Mthwakazi, for whom the paths are prosperous).

I wish that I could feel as deeply about my Zimbabwean-ess as I do for my being Ndebele. To some extent, being Zimbabwean is really a matter of fact for me – I was born here, I live here and I have the identity documents to prove it.  Between the great house of stone and me, there is little cement.

Social science suggests that national symbols are key to building national pride and the strong identification of a group of individuals with their country. And therein lies the problem. Zimbabwe’s national symbols have elicited in me, by accident or design, everything else but.

Take for instance our national anthem. I grew up singing “Nkosi Sikelela”. By age three, I knew the tune. In primary school, I knew the words and was beginning to develop an appreciation of it. Then along came “Kalibusiswe Ilizwe leZimbabwe”. Our new anthem just failed to occupy the same spot. I have never connected to it and simply learning the words has been a chore I’d rather skip. I console myself with the fact that at least I know the tune, but more often than not, the tune I like to hum to myself is “Nkosi Sikelela”.

Then there’s our national flag. Ask me about the colours, the order that they lie in, what each stands for and I will answer correctly, thanks to my patient grade-four teacher. I respect our national flag, whether it is hanging at full or half-mast or being raised and lowered. Maybe, that’s the trouble. My relationship and interaction with the Zimbabwe flag is rigid and formal, especially when I compare it with the vivid images of Americans and South Africans draping and painting and dressing themselves in their respective banners. Perhaps, if we gave it a pet name like the Star Spangled Banner that would help to build a familiar and loving relationship.

Citizens of other nations also take great pride in their currencies. Botswana has the Pula, both for money and as a national slogan. And who can forget the British, who have such pride in their Pound Sterling that they have honoured it with a name and a surname.  Unfortunately, when I remember the Zimbabwe Dollar and her cousin, the bearer cheque, it is the trauma of hyperinflation that stands out most. On the other, more positive hand, our suffering at the hands of a temperamental currency did serve to unite us in our misery.

I guess the reason why I’m troubled by my (lack of) patriotism is that I’m a person who always has a strong sense of loyalty and dedication to anything I belong to. I love my roots, my family, my religion and as trivial as it seems now, I even loved the canary-yellow of my schoolhouse. I really envy those who are devoted to and are prepared to serve their countries without question. I long for the day when I too will have a similar love for mine.

The end of the year is usually a time when we reflect on the months behind us and meditate on what was and what could have been. This period of private rumination is not confined to the faithful who claim the risen Christ as their Lord and Saviour in their lives, but even the non-believer will stop and take stock as part of that human appeal that we avoid unnecessary pain and make better our lives in the New Year. The guy who steals and mugs God-fearing mortals looks back and thanks his gods that he escaped gaol and prays that the new year brings with it that Houdinisque streak. Thus it is for many Zimbabweans who stayed in the country – to face the music so to speak – while the fortunate left to seek better lives elsewhere. Some have opined in the past that there is no benefit in mopping about circumstances you cannot change, and as we look back in the year past, Zimbabweans seem to have embraced the very opposite of that counsel. It has indeed become depressing listening to everyone complain about this and that and you tend to wonder how many genuinely sane people walk our streets.

That it is a year that began with a lot promise is a sure thing. It began as the country celebrated in February the first anniversary of a unity government rightly seen by many as the beginning of long delayed economic reconstruction. Full shop shelves became for many the most visible pointer that the country was on the road to recovery as goods that only a few months had been found on the street at exorbitant prices could now be purchased in formal shops. If only the people had the money to buy these goods. Teachers and other government employees continued pressing for salary increases, and one only has to imagine the fate of the unemployed and other vulnerable groups amidst such complaints about poor salaries by certified professionals.

The people have been told that economic reconstruction, job creation, medicines in hospitals, textbooks in schools will not happen overnight – the new birth pangs of the government of national unity. But the impatience of the people here who are demanding a better life is understood within the context that they know where the country is coming from. They know the Zimbabwe inherited in 1980 at independence when men toiling as unskilled workers in different sectors of the then thriving economy could afford to buy their own houses; they know the Zimbabwe where they could send children to school, where teachers saw the profession as indeed a vocation: that is where the bitterness of many here resides, and as we journey into a new year, those expectations linger.

Zimbabweans look back at the year behind them and expect the coming year to bring good tidings, that is the Zimbabwe they want because they know all that misery that happened in the past year -and indeed past years – has largely been authored by man. Many have asked what happened to the men and women of goodwill who promised them health, education and housing for all in 1980? Could the coming year be the year when this and other promises and expectations come true? But then that reads like a naive question. What lies ahead are scheduled national elections which could mean the people’s expectations are further postponed as it is well documented here that elections have always brought with them unnecessary violence. So how do you provide for the people when your primary concern is gaining political power? In our politics that is in itself a contradiction of sorts. You just cannot have it both ways. Elections demand huge resources and political parties will spend arms and legs, while government itself will budget hundreds of millions of American dollars into the exercise. Meanwhile, sad stories can be heard in the cities about families going to bed without any meal, yet but one still hears the occasional comment that “things” are better now because you can virtually get anything you want at the shops but with the caveat – “if you have the money.” So what Zimbabweans expect in the next year? Not much really, perhaps more of the same. But with the expected elections, we can doubly expect to be back in the international news headlines with yet another run of pre-election violence and therefore disputed poll.

Vanity, all vanity!

If we are to have elections next year, we want UN and EU to come and observe the elections…what does it take for them to come and protect us? If it is money, we villagers in Muzarabani are prepared to sell our chickens and goats to pay them to come. We cannot have a repetition of 2008 where SADC observers were relaxing in hotels while we got beaten here!
- Mr Goto, during one of Heal Zimbabwe’s meetings at Machaya village Muzarabani

The language of fear once again echoes through our lives
new elections

the shadow of violence creates
once again,
separation in our midst
intimidation
young boys with large guns training on the streets
the threat is wherever we give it room to shake our trust

I sit on the rim of many circles
and watch in awe
as the edges connect

On a random morning in a Harare tea garden:
1 table of people talking about communication and the big picture
2 tables of healers talking about healing and coordination
1  table talking about healing and community self-help
1 table talking to the world (on email) about healing the environment

Circles of connection and action and focus
…………..born in the dark

And in different places, under different trees
communities edge beyond the fear
and talk about co operation and sharing of resources
talk about their young men and the damage we are doing to them
and of football games and peace

Small healing organizations talk about networking
small circles of widows,
and mothers of handicapped children
and AIDs carriers
and orphans
talk about healing and sharing what they have learned

Circles on an eastern mountain bring together traditional leaders and young thinkers
to talk about new ways of working together
calling on old traditions and new dreams
…………….born in the dark

I sit on the rim of many circles
circles that connect across communities and colour and culture and gender
circles that stretch across the country
across the planet
and I wonder:
Is there enough room for these webs of light to emerge
and bring something new into being?
has the long dry journey sucked and sapped our spirits?
do we have the resilience
and the trust
to walk this next part of our journey?

Transformation
The rains came this week and touched the long-dry earth with its magic
seeds of delicate grasses push tiny roots into newly wetted soil
and chongololos
lying in wait coiled in circular cells under dry earth
push their way to the surface
to greet the new-wet world
waiting above ground

The cell tower
Monavale community has taken the challenge of protecting its  biodiversity centre
from the invasive presence of a 50m cell tower being raised in its midst

The  story has many twists and turns
but an underlying message has there been from the start :
We are facing a bigger power than a group of concerned residents
Corporate business and the city council bent on ‘development’
pay no attention to our requests and petitions
-and building continued whilst the matter was in court

Our voice doesn’t count and we felt impotent in the face of the abuse of power around us

but then……….
a new twist
the judge ordered a temporary halt to the building
and brought the court to visit
our indigenous tree nursery
our bird sanctuary
our community clean-up and conservation and tree planting
and the cell tower outside our bedroom windows

once again we wait…..

Corruption has been a major setback to development in Zimbabwe. Corruption can be done either by men or by women and corruption is now everywhere in our country whether in high offices or on the streets. People now take corruption as a short cut to get a service, product or even an opportunity to earn a living. Corruption cuts across race, class, religion and sex.

The Sunday Mail of 31 of October 2010 featured a story titled  “Rushwaya: Wrong place at the right time” by Hellen Venganai, a gender development analyst. The author of the story suggested that the former Zimbabwe Football Association CEO was recently relieved of her duties because of her gender in a male dominated environment.

Before she was appointed ZIFA CEO, Henrietta Rushwaya was the co-ordinator for the national soccer team fundraising committee, and during that period she did a splendid job mobilising funds at a time when the men’s senior soccer team was having financial problems. Her break through came when she was appointed to the position of Chief Executive Officer at ZIFA. With a success record in fundraising at hand many people were happy to have Henrietta take up the position not because she is woman but because of her credentials. When the corruption scandal exploded at ZIFA I believe we have read about influential people who are in the ZIFA board also being implicated in the scandal.

The only problem I have over Mrs Rushwaya’s sacking is that instead of firing just one person and making a headline story out of it, the whole ZIFA body should just do the nation a favour and leave, so that sanity can prevail in our lovely game of soccer in this country. It takes more than one person for corruption to take place, so all those who took part in the corruption scandal should face the full wrath of the law. Currently the ZIFA executive is lined up with faces that also took part in the corruption scandal but they still have their jobs.

I am not the one to judge whether Rushwaya is guilty or not.  In Zimbabwe we are campaigning for equal representation so that the field of play can be the same for both women and men. So in order to set a good example lets not condone corrupt activities even if women do them. Some theories argue that women are less corrupt than men because they care about their image more than men do. Women pay attention to what others think about them, but men think about how powerful others perceive them to be. These theories may be true or not true. No literature supports the idea that women are less corrupt than men. Let’s learn to call a spade a spade and deal with corruption accordingly.  Otherwise we will end up with plenty of cases involving women giving the same reason Hellen Venganai is trying to come up with of saying that  “Rushwaya was implicated because she was working in a male dominated environment”.

The Southern African Young Women’s Festival ran between 25 and 28 October. Young women were brought together to share experiences, energise each other and celebrate their youth and the potential they have to advocate for social justice in their respective communities. The Festival was a platform to equip young women with the practical skills they need for effective advocacy for women’s rights and included many exciting activities including the launching of the 16 Days national campaigns of activism. The Festival was supported by OSISA.

Probably the most conspicuous element of the sex, sexuality and HIV/AIDS session held on the third-day session of the SAYWF was the energy and enthusiasm of the young-women, aged between 18 and 30 years. The discussions followed a talk-show format, where young women from all over Southern Africa uninhibitedly shared, celebrated and sang their experiences and insight, occasionally punctuating discussions with their pro-sister catchphrase “Sister, sister. …Sister!”

The freedom and openness of expression was exactly the result the organisers of the SAYWF wanted to achieve. The author, activist and moderator of this conversation, Luta Shaba pointed out that the spaces where young women can speak freely on issues of sex, sexuality and HIV/AIDS have become limited. These spaces either no longer exist or have become sanitised and usurped by other agendas. The space that SAYWF created for self-expression was fully appreciated by the sisters gathered together.

In general the discussions demonstrated that situations and challenges surrounding sex, sexuality and HIV/AIDS are more alike than dissimilar for young women in the region.

Societies still widely disapprove of premarital sex and the subject of sex itself is even considered taboo. Openly discussing sex in public is frowned upon whilst young women who engage in such talk are judged as badly behaved or promiscuous.

In addition, societies expect that young women’s knowledge of sex be about using the information to please the man in their life (or more precisely, their husbands). For young women who talk about sex in their work, it is difficult to find the appropriate language or terminology in the vernacular. It is tough to convey their messages without coming across as lewd. The discussion on why young women have sex showed that economic exchange is a common reason, whether as prostitution or simple survival. Anny Modi from the Democratic Republic of Congo explained that young women in the DRC are even willing to have unprotected sex with an HIV positive man, in order to earn more money, knowing full-well the man’s status.

Read more and listen to audio from the festival here