Something caught my eye in The Herald. The newspaper leads with the story “Britain steps up regime change agenda, pours in £3.3m”. In writing about the alleged regime change agenda, the writer quotes from a “copy” of a letter allegedly written by the UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown to the Deputy President of the British Law Society, a Mr. Holroyd. A purported copy of the said letter is published on page 2 of the Herald. In writing about the letter the writer says, “Mr Brown said Britain would continue to do everything we can to cause regime change in Zimbabwe, which remains a priority for this government.” In fact this is a misquote as Mr Brown does not make reference to “regime change” in the alleged letter. It is the author’s very interesting interpretation of what Mr Brown said that had him concluding that the Prime Minister was talking about regime change. What Mr Brown does say in the letter published on page two is;

“We will continue to do everything we can to ensure a better future for Zimbabweans: a democratic and accountable government, respect for human rights and the rule of law, and policies which ensure economic stability and development, not humanitarian misery”

For some reason, the writer has a problem with us having a democratic and accountable government, which has respect for the rule of law and which has a plan for ensuring economic stability and development, not perpetuating humanitarian misery. In his mind, our desire for these things is treasonous; it is a desire for regime change.

But what is “regime change”? It is a term that has been used ad nauseam in the government controlled press. I looked it up on the internet and sources seem to define it as quite literally, the replacement of one regime with another. And regime? It is defined as a form of government; a set of rules both formal and informal that regulate the operation of government and its interaction with society. Used like this, the term itself is quite innocuous. However it is that other interpretation which l suspect, has The Herald writer in a tizzy. My source tells me that the informal use of the word “regime” carries a negative connotation, usually referring to a government considered oppressive or dictatorial, whether it is in power through a consistent application of its constitution or not. Now this is not meant to be a thesis on political terms, all l want to do is ask the writer of the lead article in The Herald and all those other writers in The Herald past and present: You are angry that Britain allegedly wants to engineer regime change, is that an admission on your part that the government we have is in fact a “regime”?

I usually take a breather from staring at my computer all day and stretch my legs by walking around Newlands shopping center and going into TM supermarket looking for whatever can be found on the shelves that I might be interested in. So the other day I marched into TM expecting the usual quiet inactivity and glaring empty shelves. I was happy to find some Dettol bath soap on the toiletries shelf. The usually empty toiletries section had something else I hadn’t seen in a long time in any supermarket: cans of anti-perspirant and all sorts of other deodorant. It was not just any deodorant at that but excellent brands like Shield and Lentheric among an array of what I consider inferior brands. Ironically the price range was the same across inferior and superior alike; at only $39 million! Well, maybe that’s not very cheap to some people, but for those who have looked around for these things know what I’m talking about. Thinking I wasn’t reading the prices correctly, I chatted up the guy who was still putting price tags on various products on the same shelf. He reassured me that I was reading correctly, and yes, he’d just put on the prices himself.

I wondered aloud why they were so cheap debating whether to take one or not. The guy volunteered that it made sense because it was “just old stock.” Old stock? Where was it getting old at all this time? I mean, I come here almost daily for the past one month. I gently prodded further and he explained, or rather, confessed that the stuff had been there all along in their storerooms. It had been removed when the ‘task force’ was going around slashing prices. Understandable, but the shelves continued to be bare even after the Zimbabwe government backtracked from the price controls, so why didn’t they put back the products, I asked. Surely such behavior is common only among saboteurs?

Saboteur, what is that, he asked? I explained that sabotage is a deliberate action of subversion, deception or dishonesty. He gave a soft laugh and said, “These are uncertain times and God only knows what other crazy ideas ‘those people’ might just wake up with again. Besides, there is a little saboteur in all of us. I mean now that you’ve found these deodorants unusually cheap, aren’t you going to hoard as many of them as you can in anticipation of the unknown? I tell you, it’s going to take a while to cure the nation of things like speculation and hoarder mentality.”

How dare that man even suggest I was a saboteur? I took four cans of anti- perspirant . . .

The other week I walked into a pharmacy looking for ibuprofen, a painkiller one can purchase without prescription.  I however happened to have my mother’s medical prescription for some drugs only a doctor and pharmacist can prescribe. After getting my painkiller, I inquired from one of the male pharmacists if they had any of the drugs on the prescription. He stared at the prescription for a moment then told me they hadn’t had those kinds of drugs in months. As I turned to leave, he leaned forward and whispered, “But I can sell you mine, if you like.” Taken off guard, I looked around to see the other pharmacists smiling at me with knowing looks. I purchased my mother’s medication at an obviously inflated price on a little black market thriving right there in the pharmacy.

This tired election – so dishonestly called the 2008 ‘harmonised’ elections – is suddenly the source of great interest and speculation. Just 4 weeks ago it was a dead in the water, one horse race. Mugabe versus the masses. Results already printed, factotums paid in advance for services to be rendered.

Apathy looked likely to be the real winner and then along came Simba. And suddenly everyone in the cities wanted to be registered to vote.

What makes Simba Makoni such an obvious choice for the urban voter? The easy answer is this: he’s neither Mugabe nor Tsvangirai. Fine, it’s clear then who he isn’t – but isn’t it time we voted FOR something rather than against something? I don’t want to vote NO. I want to vote YES. And Simba has a lot of explaining to do before election day on March 29. Voting blindly is not an option. I’d rather spoil my ballot.

Now here’s the thing. How do we do anything positive around this election? The candidates we have to choose from are either dangerous to our health (Mugabe), stale (Tsvangirai), not transparent (Simba), self-serving (most of the rest), fabulous (too few to count) or unknown (way too many).

From my experience, the only time a politician will give you the time of day is in the weeks before the election. So fellow Zimbabweans – this is our moment. Insist that you will NOT vote for a candidate unless they:

• speak at a venue near you
• answer your questions
• have a positive vision for the future
• can practically implement a majority of the promises they make
• believe in women’s advancement

This is OUR time. Make them work for our votes.

So, Hillary Clinton deems it the best political move to sack her campaign manager and replace her with a black one after losing some caucuses and primaries. Don’t know if that’s gonna help her muscle her way through to landing her the majority of the black vote, but how crude.

Speaking of muscling one’s way – have you ever noticed how most experienced drivers are extremely unkind to ‘newbies’. It’s really hard to be a learner driver on Harare’s streets. Yesterday while driving in a clearly marked learner’s vehicle together with my instructor beside me, I found myself the target for a loud honk from a silver Toyota Hilux behind us. Ok, so I had suddenly stepped on the brakes to avoid hitting the vehicle in front of me. But, like he hadn’t had to learn to drive as well as make mistakes himself? As if that wasn’t enough, no sooner had the robot turned green than the silver Hilux overtook us in such an intimidating way, almost blowing me off the road. I was quite shaken afterward. It felt almost like I had no right to be on the road, like the car I was driving was so inferior as to be a nuisance.

These days you notice similar behavior on the Zimbabwean political playing field – how ‘newbies’ are being treated. It is almost like they have no right to contest longstanding authority. They face intimidation, threats and the like. Sometimes, they are even disowned, more like discarded from their affiliated parties. I kind of feel sorry for the way Dr Makoni is being treated, simply for wanting to take a shot at leadership.

Yesterday I pulled on my faded blue pin striped jeans that I picked up in Australia what seems like decades ago. Put on my bright yellow Brazilian soul t-shirt and trundled down to Courteney Selous School to see if my name was on the voters roll. Not surprisingly there was a queue. I mean where won’t you find a queue in Zimbabwe. So I sat on an old wooden school bench waiting my turn. I wanted to see if I’d been disappeared. After what seemed like an age and much flicking through of piles of pages, there my name was in its very simple glory.

But not so for Bella Matambanadzo whose very different V Day experience I share with you below.

An unorthodox update on Zimbabwe’s voters roll

I dressed for the occasion.
Put my cute fanny in lace nickers,
Gave my breasts some serious gravity (EJ Win always
says wear new, matching underwear on important days,
that’s why she got me stuff from Bravissimo).

I was already sizzling
Rainbows around my waist, beads, and beads, and beads
of them from Codou and Roses in Dakar.
She’s also sent me incense. Intoxication is critical.
I wasn’t just sizzling, I was leaving a most musky trail.

Layering: Vanila bath what what from Sisonke, coconut
oil something wafting.

Slipped my pink pedicured feet into slinky sandals.
Shells on the rim.
A trade we did with Alice from Rwanda in Zanzibar,
plotting Feminism

Needed some bling. Hooked in amber and silver earrings,
Muthoni Wanyeki style. Off of Biashara
street in Nairobi, necklace from Hope Chigudu, a
talisman from Thailand — Awid, Bangkok, Massage – Men
in our movements, masquerading comradeship, turning our
voice to footnotes.

Pulled back the dreadlocks. One side like Sylvia.
Now the war paint. Eyes the way Jessica Horn taught me -
intense, serious, sparkling. Mac to the Lips – pout,
shimmer, shine: Pat Made put this in my purse (need
to text Thoko Matshe to stop by the counter next time
she’s in London – I got to have another one).

Stand tall like Bisi, this is an election year after
all:

But my name was not there: Not on the voters roll,
where it had been 5 years ago. Vanished. Disappeared.
My name was not there.

Who took my name? I hollered, vagina twitching with
rage. I said – who took my name? Ziii no answer other
than stares of intimidation from some twobit cop
representative of rigging. Txt message to Teresa
Mugadza – most kicking lawyer in Town. Woman wrote
Domestic Violence Legislation surely this is a
piece of cake for her!

Someone took my name Tere I howl, mad as ever. So get
it back girl, she croons. Get it back. You know you
got to vote. Right?

Zimbabwe: hurting and burning. Rage.
Straight up. I am taking it back. And today I am going
back. War clothes and all. This V is my Day.

The power of love will overcome the love of power, claims Zimbabwean activist group Women of Zimbabwe Arise (WOZA). In what has become an annual event, an estimated 800 members of WOZA members (and their male counterparts in MOZA) marched through the streets of Bulawayo in an early Valentine’s Day protest. The theme of the event was to urge Zimbabweans to stand up for their children. Demonstrators passed out red roses and Valentine cards to spectators. Even though the demonstration only covered four city blocks, police still tried to stop protesters, and urged them to disperse quickly. For once, there were no arrests.

Read WOZA’s statement about their Bulwayao event, or view more images.