I went out with some friends last Friday night and launched my middle-aged Zimbabwean bod (with back-ache – damn those stretches!) into the unsuspecting press of preppy 20-somethings crowded around the bar. Thankfully there weren’t many teenagers present. There is something pathetic about them drinking as much as they possibly can before mum comes to collect them but I suppose I should be grateful they aren’t doing lines – it may be that they just bring back uncomfortable memories? Those that were around were covered, if not flatteringly in some cases, at least, for the most part, modestly. The blissful ignorance that winter brings. I was spared the kitsch tattoos and piercings and bum cracks and g-strings and hints of front fluff.

The boys were more disappointing, giving truth to the fact that fashion does not always equal style. There were ¾ pants and tracksuits rolled up to make ¾ pants.  The poor unfortunate had obviously spent his entire allowance on hairspray – he was artfully windswept and coiffed – a peacock would’ve been proud.  And they were all wearing an unattractive off-shoot of the commonly spotted (staying with our bird theme) tommy takkie, but without laces.  There were sawn-off T-shirts a la Bruce Springsteen, sadly without the muscle, in more ways than one.  There were windsurfer dudes with shaggy bobs that had also seen the better half of a tub of hair wax – evidenced by the lack of movement even in the stiffest breeze and despite vigorous head banging!

I’m afraid to say the music was less than inspirational. I wasn’t moved to hit the dance floor, and didn’t even tap my foot occasionally.  And I am one of those who considers themselves incredibly sexy after a few drinks – nothing keeps me from dancing. The evidence the next day suggests that the “sprinkler system” dance move is less than sexy, and sometimes, not even funny.  And yet it remains a firm favourite, oh how I laugh!  I should’ve been forewarned when we spied the lesser warbling duckie perched on a bar stool with his guitar as we arrived – never a good sign. I think he was singing “A la Bamba”…. enough said.

This is a must see at HIFA. If there are any tickets left, grab a few now. Patrice Naiambana is an extremely gifted performer. With some terrific acting he led us though a variety of emotions: outrage, shock, discomfort and denial. And then he also had us in stitches, particularly with his rendition of an African dictator. The only thing it could do with is being shorter. And whatever you Do, don’t pick up the telephone!

The Sunday Mail of Saturday 23, April 2011 reported that 68 people were killed between the Independence and Easter holidays, with the most terrible accident being reported on Good Friday near Chivu where five people from the Musoni family lost their lives. In the report the accident was caused when the driver of a Nissan pickup tried to overtake, but the driver of the car in front was just selfish enough on the busiest and narrow highway which our government has taken ages to widen and resurface.  The talk of widening Zimbabwe’s major highways is only heard when an accident like this one happens. The only progress seen so far is that of pulling down trees and digging ditches along the roads stretching just as far as Pambudzi (close to Boka Auction Floors) on the way to Masvingo. With this kind of progress one can see the completion of this task in 2050 or even beyond.

Though easing transport woes in the country the influx of second hand Japanese cars has also contributed to the road carnage with all sorts of bad drivers now on the highway. These cars are affordable and most of them are automatic which makes the task of changing gears easy even for my niece in primary school.  I am not advocating for the banning of these cars but just to be responsible when driving and to make sure that you get your car checked for mechanical faults. One can be a good driver but if you are on a bad road with bad drivers chances are you will be involved in an accident.

It’s EASTER and according to NEWSNET the only news that we can expect is TOMANA, Shamu and the rest of the apparatchiks ‘”celebrating” EASTER bashing other “religious types” as they only manage to look ridiculous wearing flowing garbs their consciences are screaming to get out of. The other worthy news becomes the “abysmal performance” of some R’n'B artist some of us do not give hoot about but is still expected by Karikoga other such types to “sell ZIM tourism” to the rest of the world. The guy invited to be part of a long list dubious of “performers” (check this out to read about Akon for a few laughs) “snubbed” local fans was no doubt ridiculed by NEWSNET form our “national news” and of course we have to ask if he will be pointing his “chums” to Zimbabwe as a destination of easy money after being “exposed” by NEWSNET. Anyone who expects better ought to be steaming through the ears, be it Tsvangirai, Biti and other women and men of goodwill because as we can all see, there are many who imagine that this country’s woes are going to be solved by a bunch of spoilt post-independence free-spirits dancing the night away to some crappy, neo-liberal, pseudo-Woodstock “make-love-not-whatever-crap”.

I came across an article in Newsday titled ‘Cde. Mugabe it’s time to rest’, the article cites several political analysts who examine the President’s legacy and what the last decade has done to it. The article cites University of Zimbabwe lecturer Eldred Masunungure as saying that while President Mugabe would know best when he should retire, his continued hold on power was eroding his legacy. All the analysts agreed that Mugabe is a committed nationalist and a patriot.

I must confess that I too have some mixed feelings about Our Dear Leader. On the one hand I think some of the policies and acts of his government(s) whether official or unofficial have been at best misguided, and at worst evil. I cannot stomach violence and murder. But on the other hand I appreciate his point of view, and have some admiration for his dogged resolve in the face of so much criticism and resistance. Much like Winston Churchill during the Second World War, Mugabe is a man who knows how to stay the course.

On the issue of his legacy, only time will tell. Was land reform just a political manoeuvre to quell rebellion from war veterans? Or was it part of a grander scheme to restore dignity to the dispossessed black majority? Knowing several war vets of his generation, I am well acquainted with their mistrust of white people. How could they not when they grew up in a world where black people were classified as being of less value than livestock? But does that mean that he and his generation can no longer operate in a time in which race is an increasingly outmoded basis for discrimination? More importantly are his ideas less relevant today than they were when the nationalist movement began? I believe he is one of the last great southern African nationalists, so when his time comes what is the future of the nationalist movement? Does it have a future at all, or will it give way to the homogeneity offered by globalisation?

Reaction to the article was emotional with two comments being moderate and the remaining containing hate speech from people who do not understand that Zimbabwe is greater than the sum of the last ten years, as is Mugabe. A man who can inspire such language must surely have a place somewhere in the chronicles of our country. How will history judge the Commander-In-Chief and what will his place in the history of Zimbabwe be?

Upenyu Makoni-Muchema has some fun with Blessing-Miles Tendi, Zimbabwean author and researcher.

Read the full interview with Blessing-Miles Tendi here (includes some audio).

Describe yourself in five words?
I’m a Zimbabwean researcher in African Politics.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
Always give your best, and believe in yourself.

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done?
It’s probably the women I’ve dated. Professionally I’d say it’s that I’ve been to places asking questions, where I shouldn’t be asking questions.

What is your most treasured possession?
My family, although it doesn’t sound right to call my family a possession.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Self pity.

Do you have any strange hobbies?
Often when I’m working on something I become rather obsessive about it.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
I’m kind of balding. I used to have very rich dark hair and I’ve got two sisters, who envied my hair. And now to see it go away while I’m still relatively young is just hard.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Giving, in terms of emotional or material support. But it does give you a lot back.

What have you got in your fridge?
I love those South African sausages … fish, pineapples, because pineapple is my favourite fruit.

What is your greatest fear?
Failure.

What have you got in your pockets right now?
This is the most bizarre thing about me. They’re empty; I never have anything in my pockets. I feel free that way. I like my pockets empty. You know what they say about a man who comes with empty pockets? He has no ulterior motives, what you see is what you get.

What is your favourite journey?
For me it’s always home. My parents are Ndau, but I was born and raised in Bulawayo.

Interviewer: Do you speak Ndebele? Ngiyakhulumisi Ndebele, ndino rekete chiNdau, ndino taura chiShona

Interviewer: What do you think about the great Shona Ndebele divide? There’s a book by Brian Raftopoulos and A Mlambo, Becoming Zimbabwe, it’s one of my favourite books right now. One of it’s aims it to take apart historical myths. One such thing they take apart is this divide between Shona and Ndebele. What is Shona really? What is Ndebele really? Ndebele is made out of various disparate groups, so are the Shona, Zezurus, Manyikas, Ndau . . . and they call them Shona. For me really these are politicised constructions, both Ndebele and Shona, which in many ways have kept the country apart, for quite false reasons. But obviously very useful to politicians.

Who are your heroes in real life?
Jocelyn Alexander. She was one of my supervisors at University. She’s an Oxford professor and the most intelligent human being I’ve ever met. I totally admire and look up to her.

When and where were you happiest?
Whenever I’m with my mother.

Interviewer: Are you a mommy’s boy? I guess you could say that. When I’m with my mum I’m at my happiest. Your mum’s your mum; she carried you around for nine months, its unconditional. I’ve made stupid mistakes in my time but she takes me back all the time.

What’s your biggest vice?
. . . Yeah, we’re having this interview and I’m having shots of brandy . . . that’s my biggest vice.

What were you like at school?
Quiet. A geek. Read a lot. Wanted to be popular, but never was because the popular in high school were the athletes.

What are you doing next?
Working on my next book. It’s going to be a history book. The core thesis is still a little disparate right now so I can’t get into what exactly I want to do. I guess I’m going to figure it out as I work on it.