As Robert Mugabe celebrated his 86th birthday yesterday, we sent our SMS subscribers this text message:

Kubatana! What gift do you think Mugabe should give Zimbabwe on his birthday? SMS back or email info@kubatana.net Replies will be put on www.kubatana.net

We received over 200 replies, with the vast majority of responses saying that the best gift Mugabe could give the country is his resignation.  We share the responses here:

• Voluntary resignation.
• No gift at all except talking about GPA and economic hardships.
• Freedom to choose on these issues: Gono, Tomana, Bennett and children’s right to education.
• Mugabe should simply abdicate, resign and relinquish from power as a gift to Zimbabwe. Yes political power is sweeter than just power. Taneta naye isu.
• Announcing a principled successor
• Statement of resignation.
• A RESIGNATION would be the most invaluable gift the man can ever give Zimbabweans.
• The announcement of his retirement from politics with effect from 28 February 2010.
• A resignation.
• Mugabe should simply resign because at 86 he has even lost memory. That’s the best present he could give Zimbabwean people.
• Retirement. The best gift Sekuru can give Zimbabwe is retirement.
• I don’t think Mugabe has anything to give Zimbabwe on his birthday other than stepping down to pave the way for new and capable blood.
• His death will be a proper one.
• Give other players in the political front a chance.
• Mugabe must just resign from politics.
• He must step down, that’s a very special gift to Zimbabweans.
• His retirement.
• Pay civil servants what they deserve.
• Maybe he may resign because he is now too old to rule the country.
• Resign.
• He should hand back sovereignty and rule of law.
• The best gift Mugabe should give Zimbaweans is by showing them his back for the sake of progress.
• He should resign.
• To save his face, Mugabe must pronounce his resignation to the people of Zimbabwe as a gift of his birthday!
• Retirement and respect children’s rights to quality education, health, etc.
• New set of balls.
• He should step down for the good of the nation.
• Resignation letter.
• Poverty, hunger and more suffering. Or a knobkerrie to finish off Zimbabwe. This is only what Mugabe can give to Zimbabweans on his birthday.
• He needs to give us an encouraging message about AIDS.
• Announce his retirement from politics so the country can move forward. They have played their part already.
• Unite and be proud of our own country.
• Exit.
• Stepping down from the presidency
• An apology for his violent rule
• He must quit politics.
• He wont give anything
• RESGNINATION, STEPPING DOWN
• The only gift mugabe can give is retirement.
• Retire
• Mugabe shld giv the pple of Zim their sovereignty that was taken away on the ballot.
• Freedom and true empowerment
• his retirement
• Democracy, independence and respect.
• His resignation
• He should give independence as a gift to zim.
• He should retire from politics for zvimba gwereza
• Owning up that he has destroyed Zimbabwe through his leadership! He must resign! That would be a great gift to the nation!
• HE SHOULD RETIRE
• He shld resign and retire. thts a gift 4 the whole country
• What d w expect  other an’ misery@perhps poverty again
• Money for Drought relief and freedom.
• There’s no gift bigger than resigning to the able boded.
• To give power to Hon MORGEN RICHARD STVANGIRAI as a gift.
• Retirement
• The gift of retirement!
• His resignation!
• HE SHOULD RETIRE THATS THE BEST GIFT WE CAN EVER WANT(CHARMAINE)
• resignation
• He must give us a chance to write a free constitution without his party’s interference.
• Retirement
• Retirement
• Should tell us when he is going to retire we are sick and tired of waiting for this great day on earth
• He should graciously step down.
• Only to retire
• He must give back the presidential powers to the president of Zimbabwe Hon. SAVE MORGEN TSVANGIRAI as a gift us people of Zim.
• THE MUGABES GIFT TO ZIM IS ONLY SHOUT OUR PRESIDENT R.TSVANGIRAI
• To retire
• The only gift that we can openly accept is resigning
• I thing he is going to give maize seed.
• He should give zimbabwe his resignation
• Cde Mugabe  must  give  enough  salaries  and  allowances  to  all  state  workers   thanking  God   for  long  life  he  lived
• HE IS GOING TO ANOUNCE THAT HE WILL NEVER CONTEST AGAIN .HE IS GOING TO RESIGN
• Retirement will b the best gift! There is nothing sick lyk overstaying ur welcome.
• RESIGN
• He shud retìre
• A resignation surprise
• Freedom
• To retire and concentrate on farms Dairy farming (Gushungo dairy)
• His resignation could be a fitting gift for a start
• Announce retirement date
• He should resign from politics.
• A realistic understanding of the plight of the majority
• Bob shld tender his resignation to Zim as a present.
• He must just understand his people and also end the ongoing talks by surrendering his powers
• To increase civil servants salarys up to 500us per mth as a minmum
• HE SHOUKD STEP DOWN AS PRESIDENT OF ZIMBAAWE AND THIS WIL B TGE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT 4 ALL ZIMBABWEANS
• Retirement
• He should give a gift of step down
• his resignation
• He must give power 2 Tsvangirai and è rest of zimbabweans.we need è same thing as wat mandela did 2 SA.thanx 4 gvng me é opportunity.
• An artwork of a Zim like cake wth dilapidated infrastructure,  emaciated people,  decapitated & tortured limbless masses; wth Mugabe wishing many more years.
• Mugabe must retire and hang himself as a gift 2 zim on his birthday.
• The BEST gift Mugabe should give ZIM is to surrender this country to the peoples choice ‘chingwa chevana.’ Enough is enough.
• Mugabe should give back democracy as a present to the pple of Zimbabwe.
• He must give the nation a retirement package ez early ez sunday morning.
• Retirement & take the advisory position to the Presidium.
• Resignation from power & politics or an apology on the oppression from his brutal rule.
• Conclusion of all outstanding GPA Issues
• Love every Zimbabwean and not members of party only
• Best present mugabe can give zimbabwe is his resignation
• Retirement
• His resignation would be a good start for a present
• The best gift for Mugabe to give Zimbabweans and be respected is to quit his position and let Zimbos decide the next leader Mkanya
• Retire because of old age.
• To resign and go to gushungo estates
• Mugabe holds hunger n deaths in his handz.He shld take opportunity to thank morgan who rescued him frm being killed by his own thugs. Power hungry mgabe shld now go n rest to his rural zvimba home.
• His resignation!
• Peace, rule of law and a resignation letter
• Exit package
• Apologise 4 misgovernance start 2 democratise n step down
• Mr Mugabe should give Morgan Tsvangirai the presidential sit of our beloved country
• Give the people of Zimbabwe the Zimbabwe & the civil service what they are worth decent working & living condition & a salary stop looting our resources
• balooning civil service w gabage most important retire 2dy.
• Give zim to president tsvangirai  and free benet .
• He must resign & give chance 2 others.what wil surprise he is going 2 crictise, speaking nonsence abt targeted sanctions& blame MDC_T. 4 Resign totenda dzamwa dzaswera nebenzi .happy birthday 2 him may god gives him many more years akazorora AMEN
• Political retirement for Zimbabweans to be able to progress
• The greatest gift he can give is telling pple when is he retiring
• he shld give the country back to zimbabweans
• 1. RESIGN AND LEAVE MORGEN IN POWER.2. GIVE CIVIL SERVANTS $600 USD
• step down and free zimbabwe
• HUNGER AND STAVETION.
• He should quit and rest because he is old.
• Mugabe should resign 2 save Zim.
• MUGABE HAS NOTHING TO GIVE ZIMBABWE ON HIS BIRTHDAY
• STEP DOWN.
• The best gift Mugabe has to give is a resignation message to the people of Zim
• his slow painful and humiliating death
• State house. We nèd 2 put our president there
• SUCESSOR
• He should give ZIMBABWE BACK TO THE PEOPLE!
• To give  civil servants money and resign
• Nothing but only his bone mealp
• gift of peace, unity, anti-corruption & freedom of expression to fellow zimbabweans.
• He should anounce his emideate resignation not only from presidency but from politics
• Gve more money to civil servants
• His appearance at the ICC.
• RETIRERING FROM THE POLITICAL LANDSCAPE
• Leave office and concentrate on prayer for  NATIONAL RESTORATION  if he  HEARTILY  loves  us.
• Right to choose without intimidation
• Nothing (gift) he can give Zimbabwe
• His life bcz we dn’t wnt 2celebrate it again
• Nothing touchable but his good 4 nothing lies
• Zim-dollar, loadshedding,  gala & high rates on electricty, water bills. Also return P.O.S.A.
• Mugabe must step down, never to be seen again near ZIMS political circles thats wat we want
• Mugabe should allow handover takeover with Morgan.
• RETIREMENT
• He should honour the agreements of the G P A
• The best gift is to resign or give us a nearby date for his resignation.
• The only gift which he has and wil always promise zimbabwe is non other than abject poverty.
• Let Mugabe give Zim the vital gift
• Personally, id like to wish our president a happy birthday and the best gift he could give our beloved Zimbabwe is Freedom!
• His retirement before the next election.
• His retirement wld be the best
• 2 KOL IT QUITS
• A BREAK.
• His resignation!!!.
• The best gift would be him announcing his retirement wth immediate effect!
• Resign as Zimbabwe’s President.
• Limiting our years.Coz we are starving & he is enjoyin @ é expense of us.
• Resignation
• He should resign from politics.
• HE SHLD CONTINUE TO GIV GUD GOVERNANCE, SO THAT WE ZIMBABWEANS WIL LIV WITH INFINITY JOY.
• Life. Our people need to be people. We need to be able to be proud again. But we need life to enable us to live. We need to have hope.
• Retiring from politics and gvt.
• The most precious gift that Mugabe shld to Zimbabwe on his birthday is to step down.
• He should fulfill the GPA
• He must resign
• He should retire from being the country’s president Great king Elie
• Commitment to fulfil the GPA in full so as to bring true democracy in Zimb. If should announce his retirement from active politics.
• Resignation
• He greatest gift he can give Zimbabwe is of stepping down as President of this country
• stepping down as president
• mugabe must resign i think its a very good present
• Genuine love
• Stepping down is the only gift mugabe should give zimbabwe on his birthday
• Our rights
• Mr Mugabe should resign on his birthday as our gift as ZIMBABWEANS.
• Democracy and respect is all we want.No one is bigger than Zim, Mugabe included
• He should leave office chete as a gift to the country.
• the grtest gift he can 2 zim is 2 surender his office key 2 MDC-T.
• A WELL DESER VED BIRTHDAY PRESENT 4 BOB 2 THE NATION IS 2 RETIRE.
• Nothing.
• Retirement and permanent exile abroad and maybe buy himself a grave in malasia or china
• He give the speech only.
• A resignation
• The biggest gift is resignation from presidency. Zim will celebrate with him
• Announce his immediate retirement
• Mugabe should resign on his birthday, and let M.D.C.T.rule.
• $100 to each citizen
• Retirement letter
• New busses
• Retirement. Please pass on the baton. This is a relay.
• To give isu mapenjeniya mari
• To step down and watch from the terraces.
• To resign.
• Fulfillment.
• Resigning!
• Freedom
• Fulfill all GPA outstanding issues.
• To retire
• 86TH ANNIVERSARY GIFT TO THE NATION BY MUGABE IS TO RESIGN AS A PRESIDENT. SURE RESIGN FOR ECONOMY TO PROSPER!
• Give back all he has looted and stashed away including farms etc – that includes his cronies as well and PLEASE GO!
• The gift of his retirement.
• I think a casket would do as a 86th birthday present. In African society buying someone a casket (bhokisi) as Shonas would call it – show great love. Last respects are very important in any society. In any case he has killed many people, and it is his time.
• He should resign
• Nothing new, maybe retirement
• He must retire forthwith and go KwaZvimba to enjoy his booty from 30 years of pillaging the Zim economy. There he’ll inevitably hear the calling to join his ancestors
• He should retire
• Retirement letter
• Bobo must tell people of Zim about his exit plans he can’t tell us to obey to our parents whilst he is the problem, he too has failed to listen to our plight to leave the country.
• The best gift he can give Zimbabweans is to retire from being President and spend time at Gushungo Farm
• Should go and rest kwaZvimba till death do us part
• The old man should just retire and give others a chance

Downtown Harare on Valentine’s Day was livened up the vibrant sistaz and bruthaz of Women and Men of Zimbabwe Arise (WOZA). Saturday shoppers and the odd tourist (we saw TWO, imagine, I felt like rounding them up and putting them on exhibit because they’ve become so rare) milling around Unity Square were treated to the sight of three converging groups of WOZA demonstrators. WOZA gave out plastic red roses and fliers to passing motorists, flower sellers, ice cream vendors, street cleaners (we’ve got a couple of those as well) and pedestrians. Without exception the WOZA literature was gobbled up by members of the general public who seldom get to see anything besides the state-controlled crap that’s put out by the GNU. In fact, on Saturday morning WOZA chose the front steps of the Herald House as their site of struggle. No doubt their choice was guided by the need to condemn the daily diet of propaganda that the Herald produces. The WOZA demonstration lasted about 15 minutes. I kept on expecting the riot police armed with their “tiger” and batons to storm the gathering but they didn’t. A big pom pom to WOZA for continuing to demand meaningful democratic change in Zimbabwe and for testing freedoms like the right to protest peacefully.

Shona is a term that was introduced in the 1920’s and was originally used to refer to the Karanga by people who didn’t know any better. The term evolved over time and was used to refer to the various Bantu groups who had settled on the Zimbabwe Plateau and whose languages belonged to the Shona group of languages.

Standardized Shona, based on the Karanga and Zezuru dialects only came into existence in the 1950s. Taught in schools throughout Zimbabwe Standardized Shona while preserving the shona language has managed to cause the death of major and minor dialects. Those spoken by handfuls of people like the Tonga or Kalanga are quickly disappearing. Even the major dialects of Karanga and Zezuru are not what they were, say twenty years ago, parts of speech and the various subtle nuances that made them unique are dying with each passing generation. Worse still Standardized Shona is being diluted by English.

A people’s cultural identity is deeply rooted in their language and its use. Arabs speak their Arabic with pride, and have even adapted the format of the printed word to their own needs with books, newspapers and even computer keyboards made to suit. The French have a reputation for the zeal with which they preserve the way their language is spoken, right down to the accent. And in the US of A the very minimum requirement for having a satisfactory sojourn there is that you must at the very least ‘speak American!’

We, however, appear to have lost ourselves. Our primary language of communication is English, for business, at home, in school and even sometimes in art, we insist that to be heard one must speak a language that doesn’t belong to us. Academics and pseudo-intellectuals have devoted long hours to research and debate over how colonialism is to blame for our loss of language, passing the blame to another. Yes it happened, and in many ways our minds are still colonised. But that doesn’t mean that we are helpless. At some point, we have to take responsibility as a group and as individuals. More than that we have to own our identities. The histories of our various peoples, our languages and even cultures are being lost to time. The relevance of what is passed down from parent to child through oral tradition is lost to a generation that has assimilated foreign cultures and values. The education given to that generation so that they will find their place in a globalized world comes at the cost of their language and culture. The world as seen on television appears to be moving towards a sort of cultural uniformity. How will we live with ourselves without that which makes us, by our own tradition people?

On Kubatana’s home page we feature an article entitled Conversations with Christopher Mlalazi. Christopher is a talented Zimbabwean writer and theatre producer. We’ve just had word from him that one of his plays will be featured in this year’s Harare International Festival of the Arts (HIFA). Here is some news from Christopher and a teaser from the play called Election Day.

I have just returned from the Harare International Festival Of The Arts workshops on writing and directing for theatre, where I developed one of my plays titled ELECTION DAY, which will be premiered at HIFA 2010 (April), under the HIFA-DIRECT project.  The play is going to be directed by Eunice Tava, a seasoned actress and director.  The cast is still yet to be selected, but that is Eunice’s baby.  The play ELECTION DAY is an adaption of one of my short stories which was first published in the 2004 Edinburgh Review, and then was later published in my short story collection DANCING WITH LFE; TALES FROM THE TOWNSHIP, which won the 2009 NAMA AWARD for BEST FIRST PUBLISHED CREATIVE WORK, and was also given the Honourable Mention in the 2009 NOMA AWARD FOR BOOK PUBLISHING IN AFRICA.  Please find below a teaser from the play, and if you can, please come to HIFA 2010 to watch it. We are also looking for opportunity to show the play around the world after HIFA, and if you think you can link us, please be welcome.

ELECTION DAY

Scene 1

Enter the Director Of Vote Counting, Juda.  He is dressed in a suit and is entering a toilet.  He is also holding a clipboard with papers on it. He goes to the urinary, and pees with his back to the audience.  As he is peeing, enter Twenty walking stealthily and casting looks over his shoulder.  He is also dressed in suit and tie.  He comes to a stop beside Juda. Twenty is not peeing but is standing facing the audience.

Twenty:           How goes it now?

Juda:               It is even worse now Twenty.

Juda stops peeing, closes his zip and turns around to face Twenty.  He quickly writes on a piece of paper and hands the paper to Twenty.  Twenty quickly looks at the paper.

Twenty:           O God no!

Juda:               And don’t say you got that from me, this is highly confidential information.

Twenty:           I won’t Juda, and thanks.

Twenty takes some money from his pocket and hands it to Juda.  Juda quickly takes the money and puts it into his pocket.

Juda:               The paper too, if it falls into the wrong hands I might get into serious trouble.

Twenty:           Of course Juda.  Of course.

Twenty hands the paper back, Juda salutes Twenty, then both men exit in different directions.  Twenty’s walk is dejected.

Scene 2

A stage with two sofas and a side table with a telephone on it.  Enter His Excellency, Poka Oka Ndiseng.  An elderly man in his sixties, he is dressed in a jogger short, old fashioned vest, and carries a golf club.  He heads for the telephone, takes it and quickly dials.

Ndiseng :        ( Into the telephone) Twenty?  Can I please see you, thank you.

Enter Twenty, still in suit and tie. He is Ndiseng’s personal advisor.   He bows before  Ndiseng.

Twenty:           Your Excellency.

Ndiseng:         (Pointing at one of the sofa’s)  You may sit.

Twenty sits down on the sofa, but on the edge.  His right foot is beating a rapid tattoo on the floor. Ndiseng looks at this foot.

Ndiseng:         Relax, Twenty.

Twenty’s foot stops tapping, and he wipes his forehead with a hanky.

Twenty:           Mmh!

Ndiseng:         Just relax, Twenty. And why do you look as if somebody has just walked over your grave? Just look at you!

Twenty:           Your Excellency. Things are very bad outside,

Ndiseng:         (Points a warning finger at Twenty) Eh! Eh! Eh! What am I always telling you Twenty?

Twenty:           But this is the truth your Excellency!

Ndiseng:         Please don’t exaggerate.

Twenty:           I am not exaggerating!

Ndiseng:         Do you know your problem my dear comrade? You panic very easily Twenty, just like a cowardly dog. (Ndiseng mimes action of a dog barking) WOOF! WOOF! WOOF behind a fence, and if you pretend to pick up a stone it flees away with its tail tucked between its legs.  I don’t need women around me Twenty. I need men with balls of steel.

Twenty:           I am not panicking your Excellency, Comrade Ndiseng.

Twenty wipes his forehead with his hanky again.

Ndiseng:         Then why are you are sweating like that? Or maybe you have forgotten yourself and you think state house is a bush in the rural areas and you are squatting behind it defecating?

Twenty:           The ballot counting is almost finished your Excellency, there are only five ballot boxes left uncounted, and the opposition is leading us by a very wide margin.

Ndiseng:         Is that so?  Of course I didn’t know that. And thanks for the information. If you are telling the truth, then we must clap hands for them.

(He leans the golf club against the sofa and claps his hands, a wide grin on his face)

They really are trying aren’t they?  Bravo!

(He claps his hands again.)

And by how many voters are they leading us now, Twenty?

Twenty:           Three million votes so far your Excellency, and the remaining five ballot boxes only contain one million.  We have lost.  Everything is crashing down on us!

Ndiseng:         (Bursts out laughing) Ha! Ha!  Ha!

(Still laughing, he points a finger at Twenty)

And you are now shitting in your underwear!

(Makes noise of farting)

Bhu!

(He laughs again, then smiles)

Stop being paranoid my dear personal advisor.

(His voice hardens)

And to use your own words – it is you who will crash out of my elite team if you do not show strength.  Anyway, why should you be frightened of the election results if I may ask?  After all, it is not you who is losing, but me, Cyclone Ndiseng, to use my favourite guerrilla name.

(pause)

Or is it because you see your meal ticket vanishing should that happen?

Twenty:           It is not like that your Excellency -!

Ndiseng:         Let me tell you something for nothing Twenty.  This is not a children’s game we are playing here.  This is not dance around together in a sally weather tissue tissue we all fall down.

(He swings his hands in mime of a children’s dance as he says this)

It is a game of heroes.  Men who are larger than life.  Now, tell me my terrified friend, did you read comic books when you were growing `up?

Twenty:           (Perking up)Yes I read them your Excellency. Kid Colt, Spiderman, Superman, Tin Tin)

Ndiseng waves his hand at Twenty in dismissal

Ndiseng:         No, not that crap.  There is another one that you have left out.  My favourite.

Twenty:           You mean Wonder Woman?

Ndiseng:         No, not that lesbian.

(He suddenly flexes his muscles, his face twists in effort)

The Incredible Hulk!  You!

Twenty:           (Smiling)  The Incredible Hulk!  I love that one!  He is my hero!

Ndiseng:         I am the new Incredible Hulk of this continent Twenty.

(He whispers to Twenty, his face screwed up in excitement, and his fists bunched)

And do you know why?

Twenty:           (Shaking his head and whispering also) Why, your Excellency?

Ndiseng:         Because I am going to be the first president of the United States Of Africa of course!  And that day is around the corner.  Just mark my words.

He suddenly flexes his muscles, and roars like Hulk.

Ndiseng:         The Incredible Hulk!

He roars like Hulk again, grabs Twenty and trips him to the ground.  Twenty rises up, exhibiting signs of fear.  Ndiseng roars, grabs Twenty and trips him to the ground again.  Twenty lies on the ground, and Ndiseng struts around the stage roaring like The Incredible Hulk, and flexing his arm muscles.  He goes back to Twenty, who still lies on the ground.  Twenty cringes back in fear.

Ndiseng.         (Offering Twenty his hand and laughing) Get up Comrade Minister!  Get up! Woooo! You look so undignified lying on the floor like that.

Twenty:           I am scared of  Hulk, your Excellency.  He is so powerful!

Twenty takes the offered hand and rises to his feet.  He brushes himself down, then sits down on the sofa again..

Ndiseng:         That is the lesson Twenty. Never worry, nobody can defeat the Incredible Poka Oka Ndiseng, blood descendant of the great King Oka Ndiseng 1, slayer of lions, conqueror of mountains, who smiled and the moon melted and beautiful maidens swooned.  Who can defeat such a man Twenty?  They can’t, not even with all the assistance of their fucking Nagasaki bomb, but, this is not what I called you in here for.

Twenty:           Yes your Excellency.

Ndiseng:         I want you to go and write a speech for me.

Back in 2006 Kubatana featured the art of Josiah Bob Taundi, a Zimbabwean interested in depicting everyday life in our country and how politics affects how we live our lives.

Just recently Josiah launched his own online gallery which we enourage you to visit. See more here.

Josiah describes himself as:

a self-taught artist from a piece of earth called called Zimbabwe, south of Africa. I’m inspired by people in their different circumstances. They could be happy, sad or confused. I love colour. Africa is a land of living colour. But I try to be as true and realistic as possible. I don’t paint nice pictures to solely please the eye of the beholder. My motivation to paint is to communicate an important message. It may social, political or economic. I’m a commentator and encourage debate around real issues affecting the human condition. I paint intensely after long hiatuses.

Do yourself a favour and visit Poetry International to read some great poetry from around the world. The current  featured Zimbabwean poet is Freedom T.V. Nyamubaya. Editor Irene Staunton introduces her as “a rural development activist, farmer, dancer and writer who was born in Uzumba. Cutting short her secondary school education in 1975, she left to join the Zimbabwe National Liberation Army in Mozambique where she achieved the rank of Female Field Operation Commander, later being elected Secretary for Education in the first ZANU Women’s League conference in 1979.”

Here is one of Freedom T.V. Nyamubaya’s poems from 2009.

Coming and Going

In Zimbabwe rain is an event
Like the sighting of a new moon
In the fasting month of Ramadan
The butterflies display a short-lived beauty
Before they become the sparrow’s festive dish
Beautiful angels in a distant dream
Of babies in the reeds and life after death.

There are more prophets of doom
Than angels from Heaven
Most rivers are silted
With fertilisers and asbestos powder

From the higher-ranking scientific politicians
Whose power to stop development
Can be measured in kilogrammes of pain
No gatecrashers at Heroes Acre please!
You have to have been mafia to qualify