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The Salon

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I would’ve left the beauty salon laden with anti-wrinkle skin care products had I had the money. It was the exchanged glances between the staff, beauticians I mean. The secretive “wonder when she had her last facial” looks that convinced me I should have them all – the super-duper sub dermal-plumping, collagen-injecting, youth prolonging miracle creams. Beauty in a bottle, a bit like the adverts on TV – if you use this cream you too can look like Sarah-something-Parker AND own her fabulous shoe collection – never mind that you are swarthy and bearded and vertically challenged. We pooh pooh mere genetics. It is everything to do with the skincare range and directly proportionate to the amount of follow-up sessions you book at the salon. Mendel theory, pffft! I added an extra “f” to that – for emphasis you understand, and in case you may have missed it, had the word been any shorter … but I digress.

As it was, I spent an hour and a half being massaged and exfoliated and tweezed. I left looking plumped, not a wrinkle in sight – but I may have been distracted by the blotchy redness of most of my face – and soft and feeling nothing but 2 wings of tautly stretched, agonized skin where the rest of my eyebrows used to be. Comes from reading outdated lifestyle magazines – bushy is back I screamed as they pinned me down!

I’ve been thinking about us (women) and our body image and how we are all unconsciously programmed. As God didn’t see fit to grant me big boobs (I would’ve settled for medium, anything bigger than a button really – everything you see is courtesy of the genius of Wonderbra), I’ve been considering having breast enlargements. Think about it, if your boobs are bigger, no one notices the bulging belly. You’re just generously proportioned. But if you’re flat chested and have a big tummy … well, it’s not great is it?

I have a friend, well not really a friend, more a relative of a relative – ok, I don’t know her at all – but she had a boob job and swears by it, as does her husband (rather clichéd that, but I don’t think he cares). Anyway, I shall continue to think about it. As it requires saving quite a bit of money I don’t think we are in any imminent danger.

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