Marriage, and the next bit
The road to marriage appears sweet and easy. This is where all the fun happens. There’s the courtship, which is sometimes characterised by a whirlwind romance and the marriage proposal. Then there are various traditional ceremonies as the two families engage each other, and begin the process of becoming one. These run concurrently with the fun and headaches of wedding preparations. In fact, some of the realities begin to reveal themselves during these preparations (arguments about the finances or who should be invited or indeed even the disinterest of the groom in the intricacies of the whole affair).
When couples date, they always give it their best, but once they start living together, standards begin to slip and eventually, couples see each other for what they really are. The restaurant meals, which characterised their courtships, are now replaced by overcooked, or burnt home cooking. You now know the state your partner’s home was in, when they came to meet you on a date, because that home is now yours too, and you are the one picking up dirty knickers. When you dated, you said things like “Let’s not argue about something so small, we only have a limited amount of time. Let’s not waste it on arguing”. But now in the marriage, some of those issues swept under the carpet during your courtship, come back to haunt you.
You may also refuse to accept that you are now mixing in a different circle and that some of the friends you had may no longer be appropriate. You may even realise that in-laws you thought were so sweet and welcoming were really excited about you, because of your baby-making potential and within a year there are pointeded questions being asked about when the babies will come. While dating, you often spoke of how many children you’d like to have, not realizing that these were not just numbers you are throwing around and that the reality of these numbers and what they demand of you in terms resources is quite another thing.
Many couples begin to panic as they fail to adjust to that reality of marriage. This panic ranges from complete shock, which may lead to some people bailing out of their failing marriages, by either physically (cheating) or emotionally withdrawing. Other’s panic can manifest itself as anger, which leads to abuse of self (drinking too much) and of the spouse (violence). Others trudge on, to save face or later, on for the sake of the children.
So many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations not really knowing the key issues that make their spouses tick and many may not realize that saying “I do” marks the beginning of a different process as opposed to the continuum of the more romantic beginning. This inadequate preparation for marriage is leading to so many problems (small houses etc.). Maybe if people are better prepared for the realities of marriage, things in Zimbabwe would be a little different, after all, “fore-warned is fore-armed”. I’m sure there are many married people who will read this article. I hope that some of you may even think that it really speaks to you. What would you have loved to know before you got married that would have prepared you for the realities of this very noble and serious institution?