It’s better to beat your wife than to forego your sadza
I was in a combi and overheard a conversation between the driver (a rather burly man) and the hwindi, which I will not easily forget. It went something like this:
Driver: Ko indaba kungopera power soo?
Hwindi: Shamwari, handina chandadya kubvira nezuro masikati.
Driver: Ko nei usina kudya? Handiti ndimi makaroora manje-manje!
Hwindi: Ndakaramwa chikafu.
Driver: Kuramwa chikafu? Asi unopenga? (The heavy-set/ driver looked like he could stand to skip a few meals himself).
Hwindi: Shamwari, dai waimuziva mukadzi wangu.
Driver: Hazvina basa izvozvo. Sadza isadza!
Hwindi: Zvaanoita soo. Anondinzwisa hasha dzekutoda kumurova chaiko.
Driver: Saka murovezve! Nhai! Zvirinani kurova mukadzi pane kuramwa sadza!
[The combi erupts with laughter]
English translation
Driver: Why do you seem like you have no energy?
Hwindi: Shamwari, I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon!
Driver: Why not? Aren’t you the one who married recently? [Your wife should be feeding you]
Hwindi: She upset me so, I refused to eat the food she made me..
Driver: Why? Are you mad? (The heavy-set/ driver looked like he could stand to skip a few meals himself).
Hwindi: Shamwari, if only you knew my wife.
Driver: That doesn’t matter. Sadza is sadza!
Hwindi: The things she does sometime! She makes me so mad sometimes, that I just want to hit her!
Driver: So hit her! Really. It’s better to beat your wife than to forego your sadza!
[The combi erupts with laughter]
I, of course was horrified. So many things about this entire situation bothered me, so much so that I began to feel quite confused, which only escalated my anger. How could a man prioritize his food over respect for his wife, however terrible she might be? Why were all these passengers all nodding in agreement? Why was no one in agreement with the hwindi, who was so obviously against hitting his terrible wife that he gave up his evening meal? Why couldn’t they see that there was something wrong with what they were saying? Is this how the majority of people think about the importance of women? What other things are valued more than women are? Where does respecting women rank in the hierarchy of the things valued in Zimbabwean society? (Below your new car or beloved your beer, but just above child abuse?) My head swam with all these questions. Maybe I should have said something, but I was so angry that I could not speak, (and it is a rarity for me to remain silent when I’m angry).
Now if virtually everything is more important, than respecting women (as it would seem, from this overheard discussion), Zimbabwe (and not just its women) has a HUGE problem on its hands. Gender-based violence is an issue that continues to tear the very fabric of our society. It affects us economically, socially and politically. That a man can raise a hand, fist, belt, and as more recently reported, a machete to a woman, in order to solve problems or have his way shows a fundamental breakdown of our humanity as a nation. And for one human being to abuse another, sexually, physically, emotionally and psychologically, something that makes him fundamentally human has been lost. It is essentially, all about respect, even just for the fact that this woman is also a human being. Where are we as Zimbabwe, if we don’t have respect?